So, here is the the thing, I have no problem telling people about great charities or places to help. I believe with every part of my soul people want to be a part of something good, and that two dollars can change the world. I believe many people can get an intense feeling of good and joy from doing good. Some people say giving because it makes you feel good means it is less altruistic, but I believe it is a manifestation of feeling like we did something good, and that happiness spreads and make more good. I know, totally dirty hippie of me.
That being said: I would rather rip out my own fingernails than ask for money for what I felt like selfish reasons. It stretches and frays every bit of pride I have to take all of my help from my parents. I have to remind myself how much I do for them in order not to hate myself. It bothers me that my friends know they are going to have to pay to do something with me more exotic than a cheap dinner. And, let’s just leave it at that the Viking is a saint, and I can’t wait for the day I can take him out to dinner. It kills me and my pride.
But, Amanda Palmer told me people want to pay for things they believe in.
So, here it goes. May 16th the 54 dollars for six months of my web hosting comes due. If I want to keep this site going, I have to find a way to pay for it. On the sidebar there is a Paypal donate button.
I don’t have anything to offer, except the thing I always offer on this site, me. I believe in what I do. I believe that being someone who stands up and says “look at how imperfect I am, just like you” can make other people feel less alone and less strange. I believe in making connections. I believe in the power of being vulnerable and showing people who you really are without worrying about image or product. Most people have reasons they can’t be open about their gore and bits and what they believe. I can be, so I should be.
I have spent so much of my life feeling like the only one who didn’t get the playbook. I felt alien walking around all these folks who got it. I felt alone. Then I noticed when I started being honest and opening up, everyone else felt the same way, too. We all feel alone, not good enough, or like we to be a certain way in order to deserve love and acceptance. We feel this way because we spend so much time bumping around the world with our guards up, never showing people our fluffy bits. We feel alone because we isolate ourselves out of fear.
My life changed when I took down the armor. I believe that people benefit from seeing others without their armor, because it is how we create true connection, and that is what we all really want, true connection. So, I’m taking down one of my last bits of armor. I’m asking you guys for help in keeping this strange experiment going.
There is a Paypal donate button on the sidebar. If you have some extra dollars, throw it in the hat. I have a little over two weeks to raise the $54. If I can’t, the world won’t end. I’ll find some way to keep this site going. No matter what, I will keep writing and being a red hot mess. I will keep over sharing and pissing people off. I will keep trying to be myself.
To sweeten the deal, if I raise the $54 I promise to make an ass out of my self on video. Tina promised to help. I’ll take input in blog comments and on my FB page as to how I am to make myself look like an idiot. It will be your time to exact your revenge for all my damn PMS posts.
I will leave you with the quote from Doctor Who that made me realize that it was far more than a fun little show:
I cried. This is when I really understood the Doctor