I have sworn off of men for at least a year because it seemed like the logical decision to make. I love men but they do nothing but create chaos in my life and I am doing a good enough job creating my own chaos thankyouverymuch. I still think about what I want in a man (like every single straight woman does) and on occasion I look at a dating site on which I have a profile just out of curiosity. Curiosity killed the cat and I don’t think there is the needed satisfaction to bring it back.
I know dating sites are all the rage with the hot young singles these days. I have had the strangest luck with it. It is has been all bad and it has all been just weird.
The Boys of the Internet:
The mail I ever got on that site came when I was 27. The man was 56. I when I looked at his dating preferences I noticed that he wanted a woman between the ages of 25 and 35. Ugh. I could tell he was looking for a real intellectual soul match. I felt a bit ageist about brushing him off until I realized even he didn’t want to date someone his age. Seriously, though, there is little a man nearly thirty years my senior could have in common with me mentally or emotionally. I know women closer to his age and most of them are beautiful, dynamic, smart women who would make him happier. Plus, it would feel pervy dating someone my mom’s age.
The second guy I connected with was a nerdy, smallish man who was working on his doctorate. He was very busy (so he said) but he was very smart, interesting, and charming. One night we were on the phone and he was telling me how everything in the universe was made of the same particles that were created in the big bang. He told me everything in the world was star dust. I know, I know, I am a dork but that was freaking hot. We made a date and he chickened out and I never talked to him again. I have been told his behaviors were indicative of someone who was in a relationship and was looking to cheat. /le sigh
Third guy is known as “Hatchet Boy.” That should be your first clue that things were not awesome. We sent a few messages back and forth and we exchanged myspace pages. He had some of his writing posted and it was bad angst-filled teenage “dark” crap but with slightly violent undertones. His picture was of him holding two hatchets. It gets better. Turns out he was one of the regulars at the library and he had creeped me out there too. When he realized who I was, it got awkward and a bit scary in my head. I told him I was seriously talking to another guy and I wanted to see where that went first.
I was talking to another guy, so I was not lying to Hatchet Boy. This guy was special, the bad kind of special. He dropped out of high school in ninth grade and liked Twilight. He had a daughter and baby momma drama. He also told me on our first date that his ex-girl friend might also be pregnant. As we talk over the next few days things just got more insane. He had to go rescue his daughter from his crazy ex. He found out that the wall of his heart was too thick and he needed medicine and a transplant. His truck broke down. He had a cousin that lived near the nerd convention in Anaheim, CA that I was going to in a few weeks. Something was going on with his neighbors dogs and shot guns. I decided that either this guy was a big liar or a drama magnet and I needed to not go there.
That was the guy that broke my desire to date. (I am amazed that it took that much.) I stopped looking at the site and forgot about it then I got the latest ex-boyfriend and cancelled my account. One night in a moment of weakness after the break-up I reactivated my account.
I have only had one contact after I reactivated it and that was enough to make me roll my eyes and swear not to use the site seriously. The guy was 47 and he was a poet. If being a poet was not bad enough, his poetry was terrible. It was rhyme scheme dependent drivel. He told me his biggest frustration in life is that all the women notice him for his hot body and not his mind, rhymes, and large man bits. Do I need to explain why this did not get very far?
I still check the site on occasion just when I get curious. I always find the same assortment of strange men who can’t spell and have nothing in common with me. It helps me with my decision to stay single.