First: One of the two things I am known for but have been neglecting lately
I think I got this from a site called OCD: Obsessive Corgi Disorder
The stress that has invaded my life for the past two months is starting to ebb. It really does feel like a tide that comes in slowly, then starts to recede at its own pace, except my weird little stress fits are more insipid than sea water. I will realize that I am stressed, but I won’t realize the effect it is having on me until I am neck deep and about to have to start paddling to stay afloat. The silly thing is, when I realize I am paddling, the tide starts to recede.
It is a cycle, and I think everyone goes through it. It frustrates me every time I see myself go through it, because I feel like I should see it earlier. Truth is, I am starting to see it sooner and, I am getting better at dealing with it. I am beginning to wonder if the secret to handing it is just taking a deep breathe when it is at it’s highest and floating. There is a lot of power in saying “Fuck it” for a minute and relaxing.
Maybe I should start taking an inventory of how many fucks I have to give at any given time and distribute them according to my own ideas of what is important.
Here is an example of how my system would work in theory:
I have twelve fucks to give today.
My family is demanding 7, but they only need three. They get three.
Tina (and her family)doesn’t need any per say, but she always gets two, no matter what, and I reserve the right to redistribute some from other places and give them to her should she need them.
Kathleen gets one.
I am up to six fucks used, and I have more things to list.
The new things burgeoning in my love life gets two at least, because it makes me happy.
My other friends get two, unless there is an emergency, then I will redistribute.
My writing gets my last two. The blog takes precedence today. Writing my novella has been an issue but I have decided just to float with that stress tide. I am starting to miss it and my characters. I will get back to it. Trying to force it will just end up with me getting pissed off.
Things that don’t get any of my fucks today:
The fact that I need to vacuum
The disturbing state of my nail polish
My growing horror at what women do to themselves in the name of beauty (My feminist nature is growing again, but today, I don’t have it in me to push emotion into it.)
My jiggly thighs
Whether or not I will be a success. Sorry, Pressure, no fucks to be given to you today.
My heinous punctuation
I didn’t mean to write about this. I was going to write about something I was thinking about control and power, but this is what came out. There is something about having written this that makes me feel happier. I forget that I can’t control everything or do everything. Sometimes you just gotta let stuff float.
Now, I need to go find something to do with all of this crazy happiness that just started to re-emerge.