Sep 09

I Hate My Damned TV

Or: I have PMS Rage Issues Right Now

I am not one of those pretentious sods who says they hate television and then launch into a diatribe about how worthless modern television is.  I really enjoy some television, and some of it is really bad television. I can watch me some What Not to Wear or Say Yes to the Dress: Big Bliss or as I call it, fat girls in love.  I love Big Bang Theory or the new show Perception.  I don’t watch TV for a completely different reason.

I almost never have control over it. I am lucky enough to have parents who will support me while I write in exchange for me being a big grown up helper. It works out well for us, most of the time, except when I am the mood PMS queen bitch from hell.

Pathetic Frech Bulldog

This is the perfect visual representation

Between the hours of 8 am and 1am the next morning, someone else has control of the TV. It is almost always on something violent, gross, and uninteresting, a news channel (I’m on politics detox remember), or a fucking British mystery, and it is always loud enough to be heard three houses down.When everyone does finally sleep, though, I get to either turn the television off (one of my favorite things in the world), or I get to watch what I want at a normal volume with the captions on. I have the attention span of a gnat and captions help me pay attention. Most nights, though, I get to have my quiet, alone time.

This beautiful time of peace and tranquility is my time to work. Look, I don’t pretend to understand why the presence of conscious human being in the other room makes it hard for me to write. It shouldn’t. I don’t know why it is different for me to have someone awake at 3 am watching TV in the other room at ear-bleedingly loud levels throws me off my game, but it does.

Now, I know I have some awesome PMS ultra-super-mega emotions right now. I will give you my level of anger and annoyance at the intrusion on my time last night was greatly enhanced by my hulk-like emotions, but I still hate my damned TV even when my hormones aren’t trying to get the world to hate me. I always feel like it is like the little kid who screams, breaks shit, and hits people all the time but never gets reprimanded by its parents.It is a constant annoyance that, if you try to handle, pisses everyone off.

Most of the time, though, I can handle it. Last night, well this morning at 3 am, I sat in my room trying to write, and when that failed, I sat in here and plotted how to murder my television. It started out with simple plans like walking in there and just punching it in its loud face. Slowly the fantasies got more and more extreme and involved more and more heavy construction equipment.

Some how I feel none of this is normal.


Disclaimer: I know this is all first world problems, and my annoyance at the television is a bit childish, but fuck you, that’s why. Like I said I am eternally grateful for this opportunity to write, and I understand my parents are amazing to allow me the chance, but I’m allowed to be annoyed, especially when it is funny.


Edit: I can’t tell anymore… It is clear that this is a joke, and I am making fun of myself? I tried making that clear in the disclaimer.



    • Adge on September 9, 2012 at 1:40 pm
    • Reply

    I think I’m just gonna drive down there and hug the hate away. You may beat the hell out of my while I’m doing it, but I would just hold on until you stopped hitting me.

    1. I love you Adge

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