So, Steubenville
Yes, I’m writing about Steubenville. I know everyone is writing about Steubanville right now. Good. I hope we keep writing about it, keep thinking about it, and trying to puzzle out the jumbled mess it tells us about society.
Why are we all so focused on this one particular event? Women, men, and children are sexually assaulted everyday, and the nation blurs by them with little notice(not right, not right). What does that say about us? What ugly mirror did this hold up to us?
I’m seeing a phrase everywhere for the first time; rape culture. I’m apparently a staunch feminist, so I had seen it before, but I’ve never seen such a dialogue about it. Good. We need to talk about it.
We need to get pissed about the news coverage. We need to get mad about how the case was handled. We need to be abhorred by the fact we are a society in which this would happen.
Time for me to piss everyone off. I’m not mad this was handled in juvenile court. Teenagers are not adults, nor are they known for their fabulous decision making skills. I’m not saying the assailants are not responsible for what they did. I don’t think the crime is any less horrific because teenagers committed it. I think we should focus less on the sentences and more on how the hell everything went so wrong.
Where were the adults? How did they get all of this alcohol? Why didn’t somebody step in?
How do we help stop it from happening again?
How do we fix our rape culture?
This conversation needs to stop being the realm of mostly women. We need to bring in men and welcome them. I’ve noticed sometimes men get very defensive when we discuss rape, abuse, or gender equality. I have many wonderful, truly good men in my life, but sometimes I have to explain I’m not attacking them, I’m trying to discuss this aspect of male/female interaction. These are good men who fight just as hard everyday for a better society simply by being there. How do we bring them into an open dialogue without everything getting in the way.
Some writers get pissed about attitudes like mine. They call me an apologist. Men should accept the fact there is a patriarchy, and it needs to be fixed. We shouldn’t ‘baby’ them when they have all of the power. A) Bullshit. B) Communication is nearly impossible when people are defensive, and we desperately need communication.
These are complicated ideas and problems. We have to figure it out though if we want to progress. We want simple answers, but there aren’t any. (Okay, things like don’t rape are pretty simple.) How do we describe the difference between the feeling when a respectful man makes a move on us, and when it feels predatory? How do we convey that when a man keeps pushing attention on us, we feel like prey? How do we instill that women are partners, friends, mates not something to be conquered or acquired? How do we teach our sons to be better men, and our daughters to be better women?
I don’t know. I have none of these answers, but I still have hope that when we ask these questions of ourselves we make things better.
2 comments
Well as a pretty Blunt male I can tell you part of the reason is that some males get defensive is that we are tired of being told we will never understand. Hell some of us have seen the emotional wreckage it leaves behind, Some males have experienced it, think Penn State and the rest of similar Ilk. some of us have tried to reach out to the female end on a lot of the issues mentioned above with similar results, So guess what I will talk about it to certain female friends who I know will listen and to hell with the rest. The other thing is not to be afraid of defending oneself, amazing that the right to self defense was one that women enjoyed from Way before they had the formal recognized right to vote ( at least unitl recently). So I am going to be the grumpy old man on his porch, until folks are TRULY ready to talk about a lot of this, and not forget about it when this news cycle ends at pretty much the end of this week……
Another sad fact, is that these two boys will probably end up as rape stiitstacs themselves as victims, in prison rapes.From what I know, juvenile facilities are much more serious about preventing rape than regular prisons but, there are no guarantees. And I’m sure there’ll be the brothers of some girls who were raped, who’ll be wanting to make a point to these two rapists.Prison rape is no less heinous than the rape of anyone, male or female, outside of prison.All around, it’s an ugly situation.And yeah, these boys are much more likely to come out worse than they went in, as future hardened criminals, rather than as rehabilitated, and trying to lead productive lives.Our prison system, if it ever focused on rehabilitation, stopped doing so right after Reagan’s hand left the Bible on his first innauguration day.I know, the program that I worked in, which helped prevent recidivism by giving prisoners educations, and providing accredited Associates, Bachelor’s, and even Masters, Degrees, to make their future job prospects better, was cancelled within months of his taking office.Prisons, today, are purely for punishment.Any rehabilitation, is purely accidental.It seems like the nation, and our society in general, have focused on nothing but punishment, since either/both he, or Nixon, took office.Me?I blame the growing involvement of Manichean Dominionist Evangelical Christians in our political system for this.Theirs is a world of absolutes you’re with God, or with the Devil, you’re either good or evil, etc. No shades of gray, allowed.