So, today I watched one of the most fascinating internet interactions I’ve ever seen.
For those of you who are all TL:DR (too long; didn’t read), basically a man sends a woman who he doesn’t know, but found on a dating app, a picture of his dangly bits. She tells him she didn’t think it was cool, and he starts to be verbally abusive. She gets pissed, finds him on Facebook, and threatens to send a picture of the entire conversation to his mother.
Women in the conversation rejoice. Some of the men, on the other hand, can’t figure out what the big deal is.
First of all, this isn’t a “men are stupid” conversation. Men aren’t stupid. Things are tricky, and this particular incident is complex, and I think it is important to discuss.
Most grown ass men know better than to send a strange woman an unsolicited picture of their man bits. It is the exact same thing as walking up to a woman and dropping flashing your junk. It’s not appropriate or effective. It won’t get you sex, but it might get you arrested. It’s illegal for a reason. It’s sexual assault. This part is not complex.
Things are different if you are involved with a woman in some way. Rule of thumb: follow her lead. If she sends you racy pics or requests them then it is okay. If she indicates it is not okay and you over stepped a boundary on accident, apologize and move on.
This guy doesn’t do that, though. The woman clearly indicates his advances are unwelcome, and he acts aggressively and become abusive. At some point in time in everyone’s dating life, they will mess up and overstep a boundary. Hell, we will do it in every single relationship in our lives. Handling it well is what matters. How this guy handles it is more than bad, it is predatory, abusive, and soo not okay. Most grown ass men get this, or maybe I’m spoiled by knowing a lot of great grown ass men.
This is true for all dating interactions. If either gender makes an advance and it is rejected, move on with grace. I’ve been shot down. It sucks. I didn’t call the guys names or keep pushing. Woman and sex are not prey to be hunted. Most grown ass men know this. Sometimes the rejections have nothing to do with the person doing the advancing.
Now, on the other hand, playing hard to get is stupid. We need to stop it. We need to stop it RIGHT NOW. It encourages this hunting behavior. Also, it’s just stupid. If you have to play a game to get someone’s attention then there is something flawed there.
Most importantly… Talk about this stuff. If we are ever going to make things better we need to talk to each other.