Five days until my mom gets one of her knees replaced. Let me say this before I begin: these surgeries (she is getting the other one replaced after Christmas) will change her life. Everyone I talk to about their knee replacement surgeries tell me after it heals, their pain levels disappear. This is a good thing for my family. She will get her life back.
Right now, I’m daunted as fuck. I can’t show it, but I’m afraid that I won’t be up to taking care of both of my parents.
My father works very hard. He works far harder than any man his age should. When he gets off work, we wait on him. The man never so much as gets up to get his own drink. He leaves his paper plate on the TV tray by his chair. We also all stop whatever we are doing to make sure nothing interrupts his television watching.
Saturday, I had planned on get some work done to prepare the house for Mom’s surgery, but he woke up and announced I was taking him to Wal-Mart. It is a big adventure for him. This time he nearly got in a fight in the parking lot with an old lady over one of those electronic carts, then he spent two and a half hours bitching to anyone who could hear about how closely packed the aisles were. He couldn’t understand why I was less than thrilled. “Girl, are you still all PMS grumpy?”
I love my dad. I just thinks he forgets that I’m a person with things of my own.
I haven’t been to water aerobics in far too long. I got sick. I’m still not at 100%, but I don’t have a choice but to get over it. It is really bothering me. I feel like a failure. I was going to go yesterday. I spent the day working really hard getting the living room rearranged (with my mom’s lovely “tips” from the arm chair), and when time rolled around I was hurting so bad I couldn’t imagine tugging on my suit. My mom’s knee went out which lead to some screaming and wailing during the time I would have been in the water if I had went, so I had to make Dad a quick dinner while taking care of her. Dad ate 5 bites of his dinner and told me he was full.
After I got everyone settled, I still had to get gas in the truck for taking Dad to work this morning and a quick store shop. When I pulled back in our drive way, I sat there silently for a few minutes and started to cry. I was not entirely sure I could handle it all. I got myself pulled together, wiped my eyes, and brought the groceries inside. My dad stopped me in the middle of the living room with the grocery bags still in my hands to ask me to make him peanut butter and toast. I offered him the rest of his salad that had filled him up earlier. Nope, he wanted peanut butter and toast. All while I still had groceries in my hand.
This is after poor diet choices sent him to the hospital last week… Yeah.
Completely unrelated: these flowers are from the Viking’s back yard. They smell amazing. Or did, until my dog ate them.
This morning I woke up ungodly early to drive him the 45 minutes to work, drive home, take mom to get a ton of tests done, buy a bed, set up said bed, and then drive the 45 minutes back up to pick him up from work. Oh, and this driving is done when I should be in the water.
Tomorrow, I desperately want to make it to water aerobics. I can’t even tell myself I plan on doing it.
I don’t know if I can handle these next few weeks. People are telling me to take care of myself first in order to be able to take care of others. I’m trying to learn that trick. Right now, I’ll settle for high doses of caffeine and grossly swollen feet.
Ugh, sorry for the whine fest. I can’t promise there won’t be more.
1 comment
You aren’t whining, you are human and handling the situation in a more than fabulous way. Feel free to vent all you want, here or one on one. You are an amazingly strong woman and I love you. Keep up the good, hard work.