Slowly over the years I’ve taken the reins for my house’s Christmas. My sister hosts the family get together because she and my bro-in-law are amazing, and they breed incredible children, but there are still things my parents and I do. We have our little fiber optic tree, and we have gifts we get and wrap. This year all of our responsibilities fell on me.
Okay, let’s be honest, I took them over with zeal because OHMYGAWD the Viking is coming to family Christmas, and ZOMG it was going to be awesome, no matter what anybody else wanted. I also just love Christmas. It is about love, family, and all of those other sappy things I’m secretly into even though most of the time I am just a centimeter from yelling at everyone.
This year no one else in my house was really into it. I was/am fighting an uphill battle., but it is Christmas, dangit, and it WILL be awesome. Last night, I baked sugar cookies with icing just because Bionic Mom wanted them and wrapped presents. At four am I looked at the fruits of my labor and nearly lost it.
My cookies are kind of ugly. They are vaguely Christmas tree shaped. I forgot to get food coloring so the icing was a strange beige color, and I seriously messed up the consistency. Most of the presents are terribly wrapped. I think some people are born with the skill to wrap presents. Not me. My gifts always look like stoned monkeys wrapped them
The presents themselves all of a sudden felt all wrong. To be honest, I sort of panicked when it came to pick out presents for my older niece and nephew. Their main presents were gift cards, but we still get them small things to open. At four am, my choices were abysmal, and everyone was going to think I’m a terrible person. I went to bed sad.
Today, the cookies are still ugly, but they taste so good, I don’t even care. The presents are still all wrong, but everyone knows I’m a strange gift giver who sometimes fails miserably and I can’t wrap to save my life. It is time my nieces and nephew learn it to. I hope they know I love them. Their tia will always be imperfect but she will always love them will all of her slightly askew heart. It has to be enough.
I also brought some of my ugly cookies to the library where my friends were working. It made me happy. I also saw Bionic Mom’s presents again. I saved our 2013 baby animal calendar for some strange reason. I realized I could wrap her three small boxes in pictures from it. They turned out beautifully. It made me happy.
I wish I could say there was a Christmas Eve miracle, and elves danced happily through out our house. They didn’t. It was still nice, though, as nice as it could be.
I can’t make people be happy. I can’t force to feel festive. Nothing will ever go perfectly. Tomorrow everyone might hate their presents. All I can control is myself. I tried. I did the best I could. I love my family, and I did everything in my power to give them the chance to take something to be happy about. It’s completely imperfect. Nothing is ever perfect, though, so I’m going to keep on trying as long as it at least makes me happy. It’s enough.