Normally, I try to come up with a little more creative title than today’s, but it’s the truth. I miss him. I will never smooth back the four hairs on his bald spot, kiss his forehead, and tell him ‘I love you, Old Man.’
You bet your ass I was the only one who got away with calling him that, too.
I’m lucky. I had him as a father. I have him as a father? I don’t know.
I can tell you this, I feel more loved and less alone than ever have. I promise y’all I’ll never get around to sending out little pretty thank you cards. I’ll get distracted by shiny things, as is my nature. But, everyone who showed up, brought over food, or has given a piece of yourself with sympathy has made a difference. I was terrified before he died, I would find myself in a shaky world with a far smaller safety net. My world is steady, and my net is strong.
More than anything, though, thank you everyone who has helped me take care of my mom. This morning I got to shake my Viking awake and ask him to go to Chickasha to get a new Netflix machine (our old one was a victim of the tigernado) and get all the meats for us and mom from Jake’s Rib. I was feeling sad and empty, and I wanted to do something with my partner to make me less sad and empty. He’s been there in every way I’ve needed. I lost my daddy, but my mom lost her mate. The idea she doesn’t have anyone to shake awake when she is feeling sad crushes my heart. She is strong, and she will survive.
My sister made these videos for Dad’s memorial. I want to share them with you.
This is the first one.
Here is the one we closed the memorial with. It felt right to leave with a hopeful song.
They fill me with sadness and joy at the same time. They are so perfectly my father.