First, a rabbit
So here’s the deal. I am incredibly fucking hyper and I took two shots of tequila. I am by no means drunk but I have a fine fuzz going on. Hyper for me is far more enjoyable than drunk sometimes. It is also far stranger. (I think, in all honesty, I am always, well drunk, when I am drunk and my judgement of the situation might be a bit skewed.)
Okay, first, I have been actually drunk twice in the past four years. I don’t drink often and I don’t drink enough to get actually drunk drunk ever. I am far too lazy for that.
Anyway, I am very hyper and bored and this is the most dangerous time. This is when I am most likely to make a complete ass out of myself. Naturally, I decided to blog and tell you guys stuff.
Mostly, I was just having a lot of internal conversations. SO many in fact that I was unable to write my book. I have been told by the one person that has read my revisions that my dialogue is too proper. I want to answer “because I talk a little like a crazy person with an odd vocabulary. You should see my tweets.”
My friends made fun of me one time many years ago when I was very drunk and told them that I was having trouble figuring out the logistics of making a rum and root beer. Apparently, normal people don’t use the word “logistics” when they are drunk. People, I work real hard to talk like a normal person when I am not hyper and sober. Cut me a break.
That was going somewhere. I swear.
I don’t remember. Oh well.
Anyway, I was having some very interesting conversations in my head and I thought I would share them. Of course, now that I am writing this I don’t remember them. It’s a bit vexing.
Vexing needs to come back into people’s active vocabulary.
Yeah, just FYI, my dog looks like Doug from ‘UP’ and it really pisses me off that people are freaking out that Ryan Gossling didn’t get voted sexiest man. People are protesting and shit. Fucking really? If you care that much about it then you need some serious priorities check.
MSN fills my mind with this bullshit. I have the stupidest crap shoe horned into my brain.
The term “douchetard” needs to become popular in the media. It could do amazing things.
I wish I could raise one eyebrow. I would randomly look at strangers and raise an eyebrow at them and after they became uncomfortable I would say in a very serious voice, “Imma be famous, you don’t even know.”
Just so you know, this is how the background of my mind ALWAYS sounds. It is why I seem like such an airhead sometimes. There is a lot of shit bouncing around in my head at any given time. It is also why I have to have many things going on for me to focus, if I don’t have stimuli my brain just bounces around.
I think about math and how to figure out problems in my head a lot too. And science. I will be laying in bed trying to figure out how to figure out a problem or be randomly thinking about shit like astronomy and biology. A lot of times I want to call Tina but is is normally 4 am or I am in wal-mart. I also do Punnett squares in my head for fun.
I feel far better about the zombie apocalypse now that Tina told me I would be dead.
Attention makes me feel pretty.
So I am pretty sure everyone like getting attention at times. My problem is that I don’t know how to get attention like normal people. I end up calling my friends and leaving “PAY ATTENTION TO ME” on their voice mail.
I think this is why I think most of my friends are relieved that I only call two people, well, if they aren’t one of those two people. Feel pity for Tina.