Tag Archives: photography

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A Slice of My Life

I don’t think this will be the entirety of my blog today but I needed to write this down right now. I already have had two funny things pop into my head and, after telling myself to be sure to remember them, I promptly forgot them. Instead of making a post-it note like a normal people, I am going to make a mini-blog. (Edit: It turns out to not be all that mini. I don’t know that this is all I am going to post.)

Okay, first of all, social media befuddles my parents. I find it highly ironic that their spawn can believe in it as much as I do and come from parents like them. My father thinks Facebook is evil and we are all throwing away our privacy into a soul eating machine. I am not saying he is wrong, I am just saying there is more to it than that. It is a soul eating machine that lets me see funny things. He thinks Twitter is one of the signs of the apocalypse. I used to feel that way until I understood it. Now I know Twitter’s greatest evil is that people can be mundane as hell and Twitter their entire lives. (I am one of those folks.)

My mom, on the other hand, wants to know about the Facebook and use it since my sister posts stuff about herself and her kids. When I show Mom videos and stuff that Ellana posts, she always wants another Facebook lesson. A few days ago Ellana posted a video on my wall of my adorable niece being her kooky, adorable self making up a song and singing it to her Ipod. Today I showed it and some pictures from my last photo shoot with Tina. Mom LOVED my niece’s videos and a few of the pictures.

I pointed at one of the pictures and said, “I actually really like this picture.”

Mom responds with a pinched face, “I don’t.”

Ouch. Instead of getting my feelings all hurt, I make a joke about our family’s militant honesty policy and attempt to move on.

She said, “Well, Selina, I am not going to lie. If I told you I liked that photo and I don’t, you won’t believe me when I tell you this photo looks amazing.”

I assure her that I understand that and we move on.

Let me side track for a moment. I do actually believe this. I try to be honest with my praise. I don’t believe in being sparing with my praise; I will tell you how amazing I think something is down to the last detail, if I believe it is awesome. I try not to give superfluous praise though, because I think it makes judging genuine praise harder. I have this belief because when people compliment me, I suspect they are being nice even if they hate what I do. It makes me a paranoid, self-conscious wreck.

Of course, I fail at this on occasion. (By on occasion, I mean all the time.) I refuse to be harsh or hurtful. I try to either not comment or to find something good, even if it is insignificant. If you are willing to make the effort, everyone has something you can compliment. Tina has also called me out on lying to her. She knew I was telling her I liked things she cooked when I didn’t. As a result, she couldn’t trust my responses to her cooking.  I tried to assure her that I would be more honest, but she told me I wasn’t capable of not lying to her about her cooking to prevent hurting her feelings. Tina, I PROMISE I will try not to lie to you about anything but your cooking. I will try not to lie to you about your cooking, but we know how that goes.

Okay, back on track we go.

So, after Mom gets up to do something else, I come in here and think of funny things to write about. Mom yells at me from the other room apologizing about the comment earlier. A bit later, I walked into the living room and she was sitting there obviously mad. This is what happens next:

Me: Are you mad?

Mom: Yes.

Me: Why?

Mom: You were kind of rude to me about what I said about your picture.

Me: I was rude when you said something kind of mean to me about a picture and I made a joke to keep from getting my feelings hurt.

Mom: Yes.

Me: -.-

Mom: Well, I am not going to lie to you about it.

Me: I know, and I feel the same way, but I generally try to cushion my honesty. Your honesty is a bit sharp.

Mom: I KNOW. I said I was sorry.

Me: This is kind of like me punching you then getting mad because it pissed you off.

Mom: I know.

Me: I am a bit mystified by you being mad at me.

Mom: Me, too.

A few minutes later as I was leaving the room..

Mom: I want you to come out later and do some cleaning.

Me: Are you still going to be mad at me then?

Mom: I don’t know.

Yep. You can’t make this shit up.

 

This is the photo of contention. Mom told me it made me look like I was trying to look to be tough. I responded that it was just my face. She told me that she knew. How the fuck was I supposed to take any of that?

Bad ass motherfucker

I actually really like this photo. I don't care who else does. /le cry

 

 

 
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Holy Hell November

So, I know I skipped Saturday. Friday I went to haunt the zoo with Tina, her kids, her brother, his son, and her dad. The kids were an adorable Team Umizoomi, and I went as an ex-library assistant. I spent the whole night with Caius in his sling slung across my chest. It was crazy, but a lot of fun and I was sore. Saturday, I went with Tina to help with her photo shoot and hung out with her in her office while she edited the photos. (By hung out, I mean I read and took a nap.) By the time we got back to her house, it was 4pm, and I was exhausted. When the kids where finally asleep at 7pm, all I wanted to do was watch Game of Thrones (which is freaking awesome) and go to sleep.

We have had some excellent conversations that have helped me figure out how to proceed with my drafting so I will actually get it done. Some day soon I might even write all of that down. Those are far more serious and deep than I want to write about today.

So, I am stoked about November. I am going into it with 1.4k unique visitors. The Bloggess used something I sent her on the “strange things people have sent me this month” list. I was number nine, and I don’t suggest clicking it unless you have my kind of sense of humor. Saturday is my 30th birthday, and I am excited about going into that decade being what I always wanted to be when I grew up. I am going to have my book ready for my beta readers. November 17th is the one year anniversary of the site. November is going to be big. I am going to be pissed if I get sick.

I thought I would share some tidbits of awesome from my life lately.

Two Super Nerdy Things I have said:

Tina and her father are both photographers, so when we were at her parents house Sunday they both pulled out a bunch of camera lenses and as Tina was sorting through them trying to identify hers, she said, “lenses, lenses everywhere.”

I responded, “Water, water, everywhere but not a drop to drink.” It takes a true nerd to bring in Samuel Taylor Coleridge’s The Rime of the Ancient Mariner.

Tina and I were discussing something, and she said “I think…” and got distracted by her daughter. After her daughter was no longer a distraction, I prompted her with “you think..?” After a second of letting her trying to remember, I said, “therefore, you are.” Yep, I went to Descartes. Everyone knows the cool kids make Nietzsche jokes.

Odd Inside Joke

This takes a bit of explanation.  Back in the day when Tina and Dave were just friends, Dave had an assignment for his Science Fiction class. He decided to do an interpretive dance to a story about someone making homunculi by putting his man juice into a jar and letting it ferment then pour it on clay figures. The clay figures would come to life.

Tina wasn’t in the class but decided to go to watch him. When he asked for a volunteer, no one in the class volunteered, and Tina decided to volunteer to help her friend out. He told her to lay down on the floor and get up when he signaled. She laid down on the floor, and he went into the hallway and came back in with a pink Tu-tu over his Bermuda shorts and a CD player. When he hit play Rob Zombie’s  Living Dead Girl played and he started jumping around Tina and making lewd gestures. When he signaled her to get up, she hopped up and ran out of the room. It was several years before she was able to make eye contact with the professor. Years later the professor’s response was, “You are still friends with him?”

I have a brother. He stopped talking to us about a decade ago, and I am pretty sure he is dead. It makes me sad. He stays in my heart, but I am not in a state of mourning about it. It is a strange thing for me, and the only person I really talk about it with is my dad. About two years ago, when I was still with my last ex-boyfriend, I realized I hadn’t told him about it, and he probably should know about it. I called Tina and had a conversation that I found funny in this strange, twisted way. How does one start this conversation? “Oh, by the way, I have a brother and we are pretty sure he is dead. I am sad about it, but it is nothing we need to discuss in depth. I just wanted you to know in case it came up.” The idea of wedging that in between World of Warcraft discussions was funny to both me and Tina.

So, now when we have a strange, funny story to tell each other we ask the other, “Is it Living Dead Girl funny or dead brother funny?” We get it, and that is all that matters.

 
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Baby Wipe on a Mag-lite

Disgruntled doughnut

He looks like he knows what is coming.

 

Last night I was going to watch my niece and nephew but there was a crisis in my Tina family so I decided to stay at Tina’s house just in case we were needed for back up. This is what happened.I had some errands to run for my family so I go out yesterday. Since I am a sucker and I love Samantha I decided to get some Krispie Kremes. I told them to give me some rainbow sprinkle doughnuts, some glazed, and just to through whatever else will fill out the dozen.  We ended up with Disgruntled Doughnut.  Last night I asked my professional photographer BFF to take a picture. This was the beginning of it

sick and twisted people

Who stabbed Disgruntled Doughnut in the Face?

We decided Disgruntled Doughnut needed more reason to look so disgruntled so two grown ass women stuck a fork in Disgruntled Doughnut’s face. Tina added red sprinkles for blood and put them on black construction paper for a better photograph. We made art from doughnuts.

Oh the humanity

Oh the carnage

This was the natural progression. Disgruntled Doughnut had to be done in.  If you look closely you can see his brains leaking out of his head wound.
I don’t know if other people will appreciate the awesomeness of the doughnut photo shoot. Tina and I laughed so hard we were snorting. My stomache muscles are actually sore this morning from laughing so hard last night.
I asked Tina to take some pictures of me because my hair is so different from the last time I got a picture taken. Tuesday Megan cut atleast six inches of hair off the back of my head and gave me Bette Page bangs.  Also, I have a best friend who is a professional photography (she argues with me when I say that) so I am going to se that for all I am worth and get free photos when I can.
The benefit for her is she has a willing subject to try new ideas out on. I have no clue how to hold my face, I can’t fake smile to save my life, and I always look in the exact wrong place every time but I hold still a hell of a lot better than a two year old or a puppy so we do okay. I tell myself this anyway so I don’t feel like I am taking advantage of her mad skills.  Last night she was trying to take some very particular shots and there was a weird shadow that she was battling. Mid pose she stopped and told me to stay just like I was. She ran off and came back with a Mag-lite flashlight. That is funny enough by itself because she had a cop roommate that taught her to use a Mag-lite as a deadly weapon.
Anyway, she propped the Mag-lite on her shoulder and assured me that she had no plans to kill me. I don’t have any life insurance so I was pretty sure I was safe. She tried using the flashlight to battle the errant shadow but the light was too intense. Once again she told me to stay still and she covered the Mag-lite with a baby wipe and secured it with a hairband that I left laying about like a heathen. Last night will forever be the night of the disgruntled doughnut and baby wipe on the Mag-lite.
So much strange and stressful shit is going on in our lives. Being goofy and laughing so hard last night was better than a week on the beach. Best friends are a blessing and I suspect that whatever Krispie Kreme employee put that put that doughnut in my dozen will never know what he started.
 
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