Awkward

So, I’ve disappeared for awhile. Here’s the thing, the stuff taking up my life right now are things I can’t write about.  As soon as I can write about them, I will write about them in a big way. I just can’t right now.

I don’t know

That leaves me boring as hell. I have nothing exiting to offer you. I have stories about my dogs. I could write about how utterly I failed at small talk the other day. I might write about that in fact.

So, Thursday I had to fax something, so down to the library I went. I worked there for a few years and still know the ladies who work there. I really like these women, but I have no small talk game. All I have in my head is things I shouldn’t talk about, boring things, dog stories, or stories about other people doing cool things.

This might not be a new think for me. I have tricks, mostly getting the other person to talk about themselves. This trick is rusty, apparently, because I did not wield it well. I froze up. All my standby questions drained from my brain.  All my brain could do is scream “Extreme awkwardness, ABORT, ABORT.”

The problem is you can’t say to normal people, “I’m sorry, my social awkwardness is acting up, and I need to bail now.” Instead, I have to stand there with Uh pouring out of my mouth with a look like a bewildered rabbit desperately wanting to bolt but not knowing how.

uh, uh, uh, uh I’m not equipped for this!

Get this, I’m doing it again tomorrow night. There is a benefit spaghetti dinner in honor of my friend Emily and her stupid colon, and the Viking and I are going. Well, technically it’s tonight. Tonight, I’m going to walk into a room full of people, many of whom I won’t know, and pretend I have social skills. I’m hoping to have my friends there who understand my awkwardness who understand my urge to *smoke bomb**runaway*

Okay, I’m done now. *Slinks off awkwardly*