I had decided that I wasn’t going to write about writing with this spurt of writing induced mania. Yeah, like that was going to happen.
When will I ever learn to stop fighting myself?
There are many writers out there that can write things they aren’t interested because it would sell. I forget all of the time that I am not one of those writers. I come up with ideas for ‘quick’ writes that would be sellable. I convince myself I can write them, even if I hate it, because it is the logical thing to do. Every single time I try to do the ‘logical’ thing with my writing, I fail miserably. By Sunday I will have completed the second draft of my novella. It will have taken only a week because I loved what I was writing.
I have tremendous guilt that I haven’t finished the rewrite on my first book. I felt like it was another case of me starting something and not finishing. I feel like I never finish anything I start. I’m starting to realize that’s just not true. I would finish my first book if I felt any passion for it. I know, I know, real grown ass women have to finish things they have no passion for all of the time. I realize at a “real job” I couldn’t tell my boss I didn’t write a report because I wasn’t “feeling it.”
It is so true. I also happen to know that people who work jobs they aren’t passionate about skate by quite a bit. They do their jobs and write their reports, but they don’t pour themselves into their jobs. I can’t skate by when I write. You guys have read my crap blogs (like Tuesday’s entry) when I forced myself to produce something. It takes me twice as long for a quarter of the quality. So, my ‘quick writes’ to produce money end up being a waste of time that would be better spent on something I actually care about.
None of that is new. I’ve went through it before. I always seem to forget. Damn it.
I have also learned that my writing process, or pre-writing ritual, has changed. I thought I should share.
Sit at my computer, realize I forgot my coffee or tea, get back up
Sit back down, turn on Spotify, check both of my e-mails
Look at the news, start to get pissed off at the news, decide I shouldn’t read the news
Check Facebook
Check my e-mails
Play a game of mahjong
Look at the scene I am rewriting
Play another game of mahjong
Decide to take a nap
Lay in bed thinking about the scene I am about to start and realize I’m not going to nap and get up
Look at the scene again
Play another game of mahjong
Start writing
This happens everyday before I start working on my novella for the first time that day. If the ritual is broken at any stage, I am forced to start over. I can take breaks without having to repeat all of it, but any breaks over two hours require at least partial repetition of the ritual.
I could try to fight it but I’m learning it is pretty pointless.
I have some mahjong to play now.
Geeks a Geeking