Which Road is Paved with Good Intentions?

So I think it is appropriate to have one of my earliest resolution blogs be about one of the most popular resolutions: weight loss. There are many incarnations of this one; get more exercise, eat better, eat or drink less of this and more of that, join a gym, or start taking that legal crack from the diet pill aisle.

I am no stranger to these kind of resolutions. I have made them in some form most of my adult life. One year I kept it by going to the gym 3-4 days a week for almost 7 months and I found that I liked it. I actually kind of miss it. I felt so much better when I exercised so much. Exercise releases all kinds of good chemicals in the brain and that is why so many of those crazy skinny people look happy when they are running in frigid cold.

Here is the thing: I don’t run. I mean I know its fairly obvious that I don’t run but maybe not for the reason most people would think. I’m a klutz. I am one of the most accident prone people I know. I have a cut on the back of my arm that I have no idea how I got and I have cut myself doing dishes at Tina’s house four times and I run into one of her cabinet doors every time I am there. I gave myself a concussion getting out of bed one time. I will never get on a skateboard or snow ski. I will never parachute or mountain climb. I just do not feel the need to tempt fate like that. I don’t run but I will walk. Inside. Away from the elements and cars. I just feel like it is the safest decision for me.

In theory I can get behind eating more healthfully. I actually really enjoy vegetables. I am one of the few people I know who will microwave a bag of brussel sprouts for lunch. Edamame is one of my favorite snacks. I am not particularly fond of ice cream or cake or cookies. There isn’t much in the way of candy I will eat all the time. I would think it wouldn’t be too bad for me to eat healthfully right? Here is the rub: I love cheese and soda, well, not like together or anything. I love starches. Bread is yummy.  Ranch dressing goes really well with my raw veggies. Cheese and crushed up crackers are divine on salads. Oh did I mention I freaking LOVE soda. I thought I was doing something good by drinking diet soda and I started reading that diet soda is better than regular soda but not a miracle. Apparently all we are supposed to drink is water and unsweetened, unflavored green tea. I can’t do that. I like water but sometimes I need me some flavor and sometimes I need me a sugar loaded, calorie packed soda. DON’T JUDGE ME. I have made one great decision about my body and body image that I still work for every day.

In December 2009 I started dating a fantastic man who loves me and thinks I am beautiful. I thought he was insane. I was very busy looking at what was wrong about me to enjoy having a man who thought I was beautiful. I made a decision early last year to make peace with my body and enjoy what is good about my body and trying to learn to love myself.  I have been trying to get there with my body for years. I get sick of hating myself or thinking I am ugly. This is my body and the only one I will ever have. I will never get healthy hating it. I will never be happy hating it. So every day I make an effort to think of myself as beautiful. I try to ignore all the bad mojo in my head telling me to hate myself. I decided to see myself the way my best friend and my boyfriend see me and accept that I am beautiful and strange and many other things. I am fat. Its not all that I am, and if it is all someone can see about me, then they need to grow up.

I think this year if I make a health/weight related resolution it will be to try to exercise 3 times a week and replace one bad snack with a fruit or veggie a day or learn portion control. I am not going to say I need to lose a certain number of pounds or that I need to get down to a certain size because I have to be okay in this body no matter if I lose the weight or not but I do want to do more to make this body more healthy so I can enjoy the great things in my life for longer.

I still freaking love soda and cheese.