Livin’ on the Edge

Because, screw you, that’s why

So, I have this bad habit of looking at Facebook before I’ve had my coffee, which means I respond to everything wrong. I try desperately not to post or respond to anything but sometimes I fail.

This morning, I was groggily checking my page, and I saw a very newly pregnant friend posted that she was eating everything because she was just so hungry. She’s growing a human; it takes some energy.  One of her male friends wrote  she needed to be careful so she could get her girlish figure back after  the baby. I damn near ripped his throat out.

I took a few deep breaths and ranted to said friend somewhere private then came over here and started an angry blog. Before I could finish, I found out it was the guy’s attempt at lame humor, and I decided I should wait until I’ve had coffee before I rant.

I’ve had coffee, and a little part of me still wants to rip the dude’s throat out.

I’m a fat girl. I never attempt to hide it. I don’t lie to myself and say I’m pleasantly plump. I’m fat.

Get the fuck over it.

Fat hate is one of the last bastions of acceptable prejudices. It is socially  acceptable to be down right cruel to overweight people.  It pisses me off.

People think it is okay because us “fatties” can fix it, but we only don’t, because we’re lazy or lack self-control. That could simply not be true.  There is no way you can know if they have a glandular problem, medication issues, emotional issues, or any number of factors. You judge them purely on personal prejudice.

Let’s say someone is overweight because they are just fat and lazy. Does that mean it is okay to judge them? Does that make it copacetic to be cruel? Does every other thing about that person have no value because of those flaws? Does beauty and fitness make someone so superior that they no longer have to worry about being a decent human being? Being an asshole is a choice, too.

Being obese is bad. I know I’m not healthy. Every single person who is overweight knows it. This isn’t new to us. Fat shaming doesn’t help. It has been proven. (Go use your Google, I just did.) I know personally that it doesn’t help. I used food as an emotional coping tool, and still do sometimes, unfortunately. Making me feel bad, unwanted, or disgusting doesn’t help me have a better relationship with food or my body. The only thing that will give me a healthy relationship with food and my body is a shit ton of emotional work, which fat shaming actually derails. All fat shaming does is serve to further hurt, isolate, and deride the person, and gives the person doing the fat shaming a sense of superiority.

Fat girls also know when someone tells us about our weight for our own good or comments on our diet for our health, they are acting on their own fat hate. We know what we are doing is bad. We don’t feel like we can publicly criticize everyone else for their faults or say hurtful things for the well being of others. If you are truly concerned about someone you love’s weight and health, make the conversation about health and not weight. Think about saying, “we should start going for walks after dinner,” instead of “your putting on a lot of weight, you should exercise,” or “maybe we should try eating more healthfully,” instead of “you need to lay off the chocolate and the cheese, Tubby.”

I’m working on getting myself straightened out. The first thing I had to do is learn to love myself. I’m not saying I don’t have days where my self loathing isn’t so massive I nearly drown in it, but most days, I genuinely love who I am, and it pisses people off.

I think that is my best victory; refusing to hate myself and be miserable.

I wish people of all shapes and sizes could feel like that.