Feminist Commandments or How Not to be Big Bag of Douche

1. Thou Shall Not Judge

Working moms shall not judge stay at home moms. Stay at home moms shall not judge working mom. Career driven women shall not judge family oriented women. Family oriented women shall not judge the career driven women. Vegan, organic, whole food women shall not judge the dinner from a box women, vice versa. Waxed, tanned, and dyed women shall not judge the hairy women, and hairy women should judge not back. Fat girls, skinny girls, shut up and be compassionate.

This is a difficult commandment. One I fail almost every day, sometimes several times a day. I believe we have to keep on trying. I might not agree with the way another woman lives her life, dresses, behaves, or any number of her decisions, but I don’t know her life. She doesn’t know mine. We all struggle with societal pressures, and the only way to make them easier is to stop creating them for ourselves.

When we tear each other apart, we make it easier for the rest of the world to finish the job.

2. Thou Shall Love

Be passionate. Anger can be good. It can motivate. Sometimes we need it to show the world there is a problem. Anger can help us see, but it can also blind us. Love, though, can make real change. It builds where anger destroys. There is a necessity and a place for both, but anger should come from love and grow back into it.

Feminism and life should be about teaching and learning. It is much harder to teach or learn through hatred and anger than through love. Also, love makes you happier than anger and hatred, and happiness does matter.

3. Thou Shall Listen

When you interact with people, be it other feminists or others, really listen. Try to understand where the person is coming from. Don’t try to prove your point or win an argument, communicate. Ask questions. Be respectful when someone believes differently than you. Don’t be defensive and try not to make others defensive.

If you want to make a change, you have to communicate, not just talk. Sometimes, people can’t hear or won’t communicate. There is nothing to be done. Don’t waste your breath or your calm. Many times, though, if approached right, people want to talk. They want to explain and make a connection. If you show them respect, they are more likely to reciprocate, and you will never teach without respect. You will never learn without respect.

4. Thou Shall Accept

This is a combination of the first three. We might not agree with each other. We might not place the same importance on the same problems. (This is good, by the way, since it means more women can truly focus on what matters to them. It adds to the movement, not detracts.) Accept the men who are full force into the movement, and accept the men who are allies, but haven’t wholly embraced it. The patriarchy is evil, not men.

I did this kind of as a joke, but the truth is, I believe every word of it. This applies to far more than just feminism. This is how we make things better. This is how we change the world.

In summary: don’t be a dick.

My final argument: