Taut

It’s 7:32 on Sunday morning. I know this means this can’t be my Saturday blog, but I haven’t slept yet, so it still could be my Saturday blog.

I had forgotten that I even needed to blog until 11:48 pm last night. By then I decided to just to work on my book.

I can’t sleep. My sinuses are bothering me and my body and brain feel taut like a wire pulled tight. I don’t think I’m snapping tight, just tight enough that I feel like if something hit me at the right angle I would vibrate and make a tone. It’s not exactly pleasant. I feel like if I stretched a certain way my body would relax enough to rest.

Then there would still be my brain. I have had so much on my mind lately I’ve been bumbling about. I feel dotty. I have a million different things in a million different directions going on in my head. I feel a little bit like I’m going mad. I also suspect I’m being a bit melodramatic. I feel like I’ve been going, going, going, and now I’m just taut.

I feel like I worry a lot or I’m scared a lot. The truth is most of the worry and fear is passing but the ghosts are still there. Its like the void from those worries and fears haven’t filled back up yet with different emotions so I put random things in there and worry and stress about them. It’s stupid but normal. I’m pretty sure if I don’t keep my mind tightly regulated, I have mini-panic attacks. I don’t like this so much.

I’ve had issues settling down to write, but when I do, the writing goes well.

Now, I don’t believe I’m one of those crazy ass brilliant writers that writes world changing stuff but believes spiders are secretly plotting to take over the world. My writing is not nearly good enough for me to be crazy or eccentric or however you want to put it. The best I could get away with is moody. I need to either write better stuff or be not crazy. Those are my choices.

I don’t know. I don’t know if any of this makes any sense, or if I should just got to bed.

Damnit, now I’m hungry.

So, I ate something and realized I’ve had way too much caffeine. Oi. Maybe someday instead of making me seem like a raving looney, my caffeine od’s will open up all time and space to me and reveal the secrets of the universe. Right now, they just make me seem nuts.