So when it comes down to it, I am a bit of a bleeding heart. The ASPCA commercials have made me cry and the images of the kids with flies around their eyeballs rip my heart to shreds. Deep in my soul I have a desire to do good. If I can afford it I like buying an extra Christmas or Thanksgiving meal and dropping it off to a church or a family I know is in need. I donate to causes with my tax returns. I feel bad that I don’t do more but I’m broke. I get the desire to volunteer time and I have before but there are somethings that I intellectually think I want to do but realistically know will never happen.
I have been in love with the idea of Habitat for Humanity for ages. I think it is such a worthy organization. Not only does it provide homes or families but it asks those families to spend time working on their home and the homes of others which gives them a feeling of ownership and pride that they earned it. That pride element is so important for people because they don’t feel like they were handed something. Self respect is so basic for happiness. I believe in the organization and every year I think I should do something to get involved in more ways than just donations. I am past the point of pretending. I know I won’t.
House building involves being out in the cold, rain, heat, snow, and various other elements. I do not do cold. I hate cold. Cold sucks. I am simply too big of an asshole to be cold or wet to change another person’s life. I am a bit ashamed of this but its just the truth. Also, when I really think about the potential for disaster with the world’s most clumsy woman around a build site I get frightened. I broke my ankle walking from my kitchen to my living room one time, I simply do not think it is wise to put me around saws. I also have panic attacks while climbing on ladders. All in all, I would be pretty useless.
I have also always had fantasies of joining some world relief program like Green Peace. I imagine myself traveling the world feeding the starving and teaching kids to read. The fanciful part of me sees the glamor and adventure in these fantasies and swoons. The realistic part of me knows I am not that person. I have tremendous respect for people who can do that but I like basic things like showers, hair conditioner, flushing toilets, and the internet way too much. I am a spoiled American fat cat and I know it. Before I met my boyfriend, I found a program that would allow me to teach in American Samoa in a year. If I would have been able to pull together things like money and a passport I might have went. American Samoa has wi-fi and very attractive men. That is as close to a third world adventure as I ever want to get.
Who knows, maybe with this new year I will find a way to give back that suits my style more. I should really do some research. I will put that on the list behind exercising, reading Moby Dick, and organizing my house.
Geeks a Geeking