Love Lesson (What is Actually Important)

I read this article Saturday in which the writer describes the reasons she broke up with “perfect” guys like he didn’t like books or movies. I don’t judge her for it. I don’t believe in staying with anyone. If they aren’t your big love, and you are done for whatever reason, then by all means, take off. Then she wrote removing books or movies removes half of what you can talk about throughout your lives. Love, real love, doesn’t look like that. Lust and infatuation certainly can benefit from having things in common. Real love means having life goals and values in common.

I’ve also read woman writing about how they refuse to date men who are not their physical type no matter how intellectually and emotionally compatible they are. If you are sport dating (dating purely for fun and sex with no intentions of finding a mate), I get this. I never sport dated because I knew I wasn’t emotionally built for it. I also don’t think there is anything wrong with it. Some people don’t want a mate in their lives yet or ever, and sex is fun and healthy. But, if you are looking for real love, hair color matters less than you would think.

I’ve seen real love in my life. It looks nothing like books and movies tell us what it looks like.

Real love looks like spending a week sleeping in a hospital recliner so you can be there in the morning when the doctors come in to tell about your mate’s condition and praying it is good news.

It is begging, threatening, nagging, anything you can to get your mate to eat so they can get better.

It’s spending as much time as possible with the mate you’ve been with for over half your life even though sometimes weakness and confusion makes them almost unbearably cranky because you know they need you.

Real love is when you do everything you can for your mate even when you are exhausted and your body is hurting.

Real love is feeding bites of forbidden desserts on the porch of a nursing home during a birthday picnic with your family (including the dog.)

Real love is agonizing over decisions on whether or not to continue with a medical treatment which might extend life and choosing what you think your partner would want even if it might shorten your time with them.

Real love is praying your loved one has a moment of clarity so they know you were there, they aren’t alone, and you love them.

In these moments, book you’ve read or movies you’ve seen mean nothing. The person’s politics couldn’t be more superfluous. Their height, hair color, or build only matter because you are trying to remember everything about them, or you are trying to think back to better, healthier times. All that matters is what you’ve shared, what you’ve built, and the love you can hang on to after they are gone. Never settle for anything less,  but make sure you are looking for the right thing.