Uh-huh

I want some fucking chocolate.

That’s right.

Chocolate.

So I am drinking wine.

Fuzzy baby wookiee puppy

I am so goddamn cute it hurts.

I don’t really have anything to say. Well, nothing coherent, interesting, or even remotely blogworthy.

How is this different from most blog days? Because I included a picture of the cutest puppy ever.

I should probably keep writing while I ingest more wine. I think it could either be a fascinating trip to watch a drunken hormonal free write, or it could be horrid.

I keep getting these like weird worries about this hypothetical mass audience that I will have int theory some day. I worry if I write something and it is less than stellar if it would damage my chances at this masked horde. Maybe I should worry more about my content being all professional and shit and not publish something unless it is polished, interesting, fresh, funny, insightful, and a bunch of other really cool words.  Then I realize I freeze up like a 13 year old dungeon master at a junior high dance when I try to worry about being cool. I know this is my most accessible and direct outlet to the world, and theirs to me, and therefore I should make it as pretty and shiny as possible. This is my public face.

NOOOO this is my public face.

THIS IS MY BLACK SWAN FACE

I probably should either stop drinking or stop writing.

I do have a cute little nose, even with the crazy eyes and bad skin.

Sorry, I lost focus to check my e-mail. I am amazed that I get anything done. Seriously. I brought up my self-diagnosis of ADD to my friends on Saturday and they laughed at me. I mean not because they don’t think I have it but because they knew for a long time.

Turns out everyone knew. Turns out you can kind of tell it about me almost immediately. I’ll be damned.

I used to think that I was kind of mysterious or at least so strange that people had to get to know me to, you know, really know me. Turns out, not so much.

I am finding out that a lot of people knew a lot of things about me before I did. They get to giggle at me when I am tell them something I figured out something I think is deep and profound about myself that everyone all ready knew. I was the only one surprised when I realized I am very stubborn and bossy. Apparently everyone knew that. I’ve decided to not over think my lack of self awareness. No, really I JUST decided that.

I am a woman of action now. I ponder things but not overly so then I get shit done. I need a cape.

This statement makes sense in my own mind: I need a guinea pig because they are like a puppy but they always stay a puppy. They are small and furry and make delightful little squeeky sounds.

This is the bullshit that hangs out in my mind. Now you see what I am up against when I try to communicate with others. This is why shit like “It vexes me that my ass is lopsided” seems like a completely normal statement.

So this one time my first year of college, I was sitting on the student union deck with some random folks and I was really tired and they were talking about stuff I didn’t pay a lot of attention to and since I was so tired my ability to cover the fact I was completely in my own little world slipped. I gazed off into the distance and sang, “Monkey monkey monkey,” in a sing song voice while making hand motions like I was steering a car. Tina was there. She still continued to be my friend. I feel no guilt about teaching her kids the badger mushroom song. She knew, oooooh, she knew.

I am promise I will get over being so fascinated how weird I am. I am just learning to accept it.

Monkey monkey monkey.