Wait, It’s Saturday?

Good afternoon, morning, night, whatever. I have entered another strange period in my life where time has no meaning, and if it weren’t for blog days and sparkpeople.com telling me what day it was, I would have no clue what day of the week, much less what date. I am pretty sure I have lost track of what month I was in before. It happens when you are me.

Thursday, after I finished that blog I decided to shelve my romance novel  for a little while to work on a fantasy novel that I have been kicking around for awhile. The past several days have been a blur of me wandering around thinking about my new book. It is a fantastic feeling, if a bit disconcerting.

I will finish the first one. I have to keep telling myself that so I don’t feel like a failure, but that book and I were torturing each other.

My writing loves are blogging and fantasy. My blog is, and will always be, my first love. I believe in what I do here. I believe in fighting to bridge this strange disconnect that our society has built between our true selves and the image we are supposed to portray. I think we have lost so much beauty and joy because we are so focused on image and what others think of us. There are much worse things in life than being viewed as uncool, weird, or different, and we have forgotten that as a people. We have trapped ourselves with these ridiculous ideals of what we should be. We have also tried so hard to insulate ourselves from vulnerability that we have completely lost our ability to put ourselves out there and isolated ourselves from people. Being rejected sucks, being ridiculed hurts, but it won’t kill you, and the joys of loving yourself for who you are and being loved for your being your flawed self far out weigh any of that pain.

My other love is fantasy. Almost every story I have ever kicked around in my head has been a fantasy novel. I just love the genre so much for so many reasons. I have started so many fantasy stories but I always stop because I always felt intimidated by the magnitude of writing one. I decided to write a romance novel because I could write a crappy book and it be okay. I was aiming for cheesy crap. I think what I have is better than that and I still love many elements of the story, but I need to spend sometime on this project for a bit. I can only do things because I am supposed to do for awhile until I do what I am.

I will finish the first book. (I keep assuring myself of this.) I am not giving up because it is hard. (Another self assurance) This project switch is not a sign of failure; I did not fail. I am just diverting for a bit. (This is the shit I have to tell myself to not feel guilty. Don’t you love how neurotic I am?)

Also, switching projects means I get to buy another accordion file and I might use it to buy binder clips. I fucking LOVE office supplies. I will take any excuse I can find to buy them.  I am so strange.

Oh, my Oklahoma friends, you can sign a petition here to tell the state government we are against the personhood bill.  I am not going to preach any more about it, but I do think it is important that we know it is happening.  If you know other people in the state who would be against it, pass it on. Social media works and can change the world.