Jul 02

So Much Miss

First, the stay when Tina helped me do all the awesome upgrades to the look of the site, we also did a pin-up shoot. I had a blast and felt so sexy. We learned that her wienie dog is SERIOUSLY freaked out by me blowing bubbles.  Unfortunately, there was only one out of the group Tina liked enough to put her name on, but she did send me others she thought were beautiful, but maybe not Facebook stuff. I’m going to show them off because, no matter what, I had an amazing time with the shoot, talking about the shoot, and just feeling our creative energy.

I took the first one because I’m a huge ball of goof:

Mirror mirror on the wall

That is EXTREME duck face.

The second one is the one Facebook got to see. It is yet another example of Tina’s skill

I'm pretty cute

I’m pretty cute


I’ll put up two more that haven’t really been seen. I don’t think Tina is disappointed I think there is just too much boob for her purposes.  My boobs are just there. Sometimes they devour things.

Look at me trying to look thoughtful and sexy at the same time. It doesn't happen like that.

Look at me trying to look thoughtful and sexy at the same time. It doesn’t happen like that.


Last one I promise:

I was writing boobs over and over again.

I was writing boobs over and over again.


Forgive me my self indulgence of posting pictures of myself. It isn’t ego. When we do shoots like this, they feel like play. I feel like I am inhabiting someone else and playing a sneaky trick. Right now I need some play.


Mostly, I’m exhausted. I love my father, but he is a lot of work right now. I almost cried in the shower today. I did go to the Super Wal-Mart and did not even come close to crying in the parking lot. We know I’m bad stressed out when I cry in the super Wal-Mart parking lot.  I keep telling myself  all I have to do is make it until the weekend, and I get my Viking again. I miss him. I miss him so much.

It’s been too long, and that is mainly my family’s doing. I miss him so much that when I think about him, my right hand will search him out a bit. I know that sounds stupid, but I don’t care. I need to kiss him and have him touch my hair so all the stress, bullshit, and fear from this last time with my father in the hospital can slowly uncoil and flow out. I have to keep so much tightly bound. I just know he is my safe place. Once I reach his hand, I’ll be all okay.


Time for attempts at sleep.


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