Gone Feral

Last Saturday, I was interacting with a group of ladies. My female friends might occasionally swear or make raunch-tacular jokes, but I see them all as ladies. They maybe open about things not always considered polite, but that never mattered in my assessment.  My female friends are ladies. They were talking about something that seemed very civil and lady-like, and I was, of course, clueless. I made a joke that I had gone feral from being single too long. I made a couple more penis jokes, and we all moved on.

Last night, I made the same joke, but I was forced to explain it. I’ve been thinking about it ever since.

By I had gone feral, I meant that I had lost my “polish.” By my polish, I mean I meant that all that bullshit about how I was supposed to act to come off as appropriately feminine and to be an acceptable girlfriend to a gigantic dickbag.

I’m very lucky, and the person I was talking to is the complete and total opposite of a douchebag and pointed out to me that some of me “feral” aspects were the best parts of me.

Now I’m just pissed off. PISSED OFF. I know it shouldn’t have taken me this long to realize this shit, but I am a slow learner.

Yes, I make dirty jokes constantly. I find everything funny. Sex is one of the funniest things out there. Making dirty jokes doesn’t make me less feminine or less acceptable as a girlfriend. It means that I would make an AWESOME girlfriend. (I’m sorry but also find farting funny, too. It might make me less than classy, but I don’t care.)

I’m bossy. I’ll admit it. If something needs to get done, and no one else is stepping up to lead, I will start trying to organize things. It might not make me some meek submissive little thing, but I am not going to waste time sitting around while people mill around not getting shit done. If you want to be the leader step up, but if you don’t step up, don’t bitch if I do. That’s not ‘masculine’ that is called time-fucking-management.

I’m aggressive about things I want. If I want something, I don’t know why I should have to wait for someone to notice and give it to me.  Most of the time when I go out with friends, I am laid back, because I genuinely don’t care what we do, but if I want something, I’m going to ask. We can’t always get what we want, but I have to feel like it is okay to try.

I say what I think. I do everything in my power not to hurt people (that don’t deserve it), but if someone is being a douche noodle, I am going to call them a douche noodle. If you ask for my opinion, I will give it to you with few exceptions. If I have something to add in a conversation, I will add it. I don’t care if it seems like I am controlling a conversation. Get over it.

Now, my friends, whom all I consider ladies, have these behaviors. Almost all of these friends are married.

GRRRRRR.

I don’t know. I think I am stopping my rant here.