Again, I begin by bowing to my duties as the crazy corgi blogger:
They are cute enough to make the mess okay
Life continues to be crazy, but I am back to being a happy goofball. Writing on Tuesday helped me.
My father is having eye surgery today. It is one of those ‘pfft no biggy’ things, but even those can be a big deal in the chaos of my life. I made sure to nap this morning so I can be well rested to handle anything that comes my way.
I think that is one of my accidental life philosophies: if something big is happening, and there is nothing you can do to prepare or help, then nap because you never know when you will get another chance. I prefer to think of it as being prepared and zen-tastic, not lazy. Screw you guys, when the zombie apocalypse happens, I will be well rested.
So, this morning I was having a quick talk with the Tina person on the Facebook. We were talking about her daughter’s dance recital program picture. Apparently, three year-olds need dance recital ads talking about how awesome they are in their dance recital programs.
This is one of the many things I love about the Tina person: she does all this crap, but she does it with flair. I have been to her daughter’s dance classes with her a few times, and there is this bizarre clique of dance moms, which is just crazy.
Let’s list the reasons this is insane:
- This is Oklahoma
- They dance for a small dance studio that is fantastic for kids, but it focuses on teaching dance and love of dance, not star making.
- Being that snotty is always ridiculous
- Oh, yeah, THEY ARE THREE GORRAMN YEARS OLD. Your kid is three. Ballet is not a career. It is barely ballet. It is mostly a reason to dress your daughter up all cute and watch her bump around with a bunch of other three year-old dressed up cute girls while attempting to do some semblance of dance moves to music. This isn’t Julliard, bitch, get over yourself.
Tina understands these things. Her daughter loves ballet, and Tina does everything in her power to encourage it, but she knows. She has a secret war against the dance moms, and I love her for it. Fight the establishment, Tina, fight it.
She also told me another awesome story.
We all know douchebag is one of the best words ever invented. It just is. No one can explain why, but most of us inherently know it is true. Tina called her husband a douchebag, in the most loving way possible I assure you, in front of her three year old.
Her daughter’s response: Mommy, why did you call Daddy a juice bag?
I am still having trouble putting into words how amazing that is. Here lemme demonstrate:
He is a big bag of douche./ He is a big bag of juice.
Douchetard/ Juicetard
Douche Noodle/ Juice Noodle
Douche Canoe/ Juice Canoe
I might be the only one who finds it that awesome. I don’t care. FIGHT THE ESTABLISHMENT.
3 comments
the dance moms sound like the mommy competition world in general. there are some crazy bat-shit moms out there, of all stripes. who knew reproducing was a competition? I missed that memo. douchebag is an awesome insult, because douching is such a ridiculous idea. It is itself shit quackery, therefore making the insult all that much better.
Author
Amy, I know I say this a lot, but I love you. Your comments are always one of the most epic parts of my blogs.
Well, to be fair, I am bat shit crazy too. And historically I guess reproduction was a competition, but I’d like to think we’ve moved beyond biology and status in the 21st century (call me an optimist, or crazy). Sadly, I am not as entertaining in person, do be prepared to be let down. I need time and spell check for my responses; not quick enough IRL.