Detox

I have officially put myself on a politics detox. I haven’t read anything more than headlines. I don’t know what Clint Eastwood said to the chair. I read a quick blurb about Chuck Norris’s YouTube video, but only because it is freaking Chuck Norris. I refuse to watch it. I’m not discussing politics with anyone. I’ve never asked anyone who they are voting for, but for the first time, I am actively discouraging people from telling me and refusing to engage in conversation. I’m too rabid to have a conversation. I’ve become what I frown upon, foamy mouthed and convinced I’m right and anyone else is wrong. It is time to step back. I know who I am voting for, the rest of you guys can duke it out.

I have more time and energy to devote to important thing. For example, this:

I am not a big fan of cats or squirrels, but when they cuddle, their cute combines into awesomeness.

I’m also regaining my interest in science. NASA is win, and so is whomever runs this FaceBook Page. I’m back to being all Science! with the required “!”.

Most importantly, though, is I am learning to be happy without fear. I think my nature is to be a positive, optimistic person, but society has kind of tainted it. I’ve noticed a strange phenomenon. Whenever I am positive or upbeat about something, someone comes in and pisses in my Cheerios.  Sometimes it is a random cereal pisser, but other times it is someone I care about. When I call them on their unsanitary breakfast food behaviors, they point out it is because they care about me and don’t want to see me get hurt. I realized last week people equate optimism with stupidity, and people seem to think emotional pain is the worst thing that could ever happen.

Here is the deal; in order to do anything big and scary in life you have to have faith things will work out well. If you don’t have that fundamental faith then you are crippling your abilities to succeed. I think this works for everything except childbearing. I’m pretty sure you are supposed to be sure you are screwing up your kids at all times. Everything else you have to do with your whole heart, pushing through the fear and blindly believing in the best. This is how I live and how I love.

I will probably get hurt or disappointed. Statistics don’t look good for me. So the fuck what?

I have two big risks in my life right now, writing and the Viking. I refuse to turn down this opportunity because of fear of failure. I fear regret a lot more than failure. Hell, I’ve failed a lot in my life, and it sucks, but so the fuck what? Even if I never publish or support myself writing and have to find something else, I won’t wonder.  I believe deep in me, though, I have a chance. And what happens if things don’t work with the Viking? I hurt real bad. So the fuck what. I’ve been through emotional pain and heart break before, and I lived. Hell, I’m pretty sure my last heartbreak made me better. Should I trade this happiness that I don’t have words for with a magnificent man because I am afraid? That seems a whole lot stupider than allowing myself to love wholeheartedly.

So, no, I’m not stupid for being positive. I’m not optimistic because there is information I failed to weigh in. I know the risks. I’m not a dumb woman. I’m just a woman who learned to look at fear and say “so the fuck what.”

Now, about those folks who like to ruin breakfast food…