I Did Things Today and I’m Continuing to do Them

A design by Tina

Okay, I’m not even going to apologize for not blogging like I should. Bitch, I’ve been busy. So, busy might be a strong word, but can I blame it on the holidays and call it good?

My hands are covered in clay smutz right now because I am the most awesome girlfriend ever. I’m taking a break from claying things and being awesome in general to write a little bit about my day and assuage my guilt about being a shitty blogger as of late.

So, my little circus freak called me to meet for lunch today. I am so proud of that woman. She is twice as brave and together as I was at 21. I also felt super old, though. It was nothing she did; it was all the shit I was saying. At some point in the 8 months the Viking and I have been together, I have become one of those people who says things like “wait for the one who is worthy of you” and “focus on enjoying life” and worst of all, “you’re still young.” WTF. When did I become that people? It’s true, but still.

I’m the happiest I’ve ever been in my life, and if I could give bits of that happy out to people I would. Instead I have to tell them the trite but true shit like: you will be happy when you finally accept yourself, or loving yourself brings love to you. All of it is true. I’m so happy now because I finally let myself be who I really am. My writing got better because I put myself into it. I live with vulnerability and acceptance of the chance of pain and failure because I finally understand that is the only way to truly live.

I’m happy because I finally love with every molecule of my body even if it might not be returned. I hate saying shit like that because it sounds cheesy as hell but it is true.

So, I had to go to the Super Wal-mart today, and the closer we get to Christmas the more I dread the place. I always am a little jealous of the people I can tell are inebriated. Today, I drank about two ounces of cheap white trash wine before I went. It was not enough to get me drunk or even feel, and I’m pretty sure it was all placebo effect, but if it means I have a more pleasant shopping experience, bring on the mind tricks.

I have more awesome to clay, or at least scrape from out under my nails. I can’t wait to be able to show people what I’m making. BEST NERD GIRLFRIEND EVER!