Turns out I was depressed.
This shouldn’t come as a surprise. I spent nearly two weeks under almost constant stress without being able to take my Prozac properly. I hadn’t had a good night sleep since before Mother’s Day. I hurt my shoulder, and I’ve had a headache since Saturday. My hormones are whacked out. I was not myself. Yesterday, I had to focus really hard on not crying in Wal-Mart. I think I’ve been depressed for at least two weeks now.
The kicker: I had no clue until yesterday. You would think I would get better at noticing these things. Yesterday was baaad. It was bad enough for me to realize what was up.
This morning, I woke up and felt more like me. I started taking my medicine like I should when we got home a week ago, so I think it is kicking in, and recognizing what it is always makes depression a bit more manageable. Yesterday, I felt completely over whelmed, stupid, ugly, disgusting, and like a terrible human being. I had no idea how I was going to handle it all.
Today, things seem a lot more manageable. I’m excited for my writing again. I have a lot less fear. I’m a lot less edgy.
I don’t know if this will last. This could be one of those temporary reprieves that I get in the middle of a major downturn. I hope not. Things got rough and scary. I made a stupid mistake about not taking my medicine, but I can also see the hope. Even if it is just a breather, I’ll take it.
I still need a nap.
Geeks a Geeking