For Serious, Yo

So, I freaked all the way out Tuesday, and now I’m coming back together. It happens.

So it’s the Fourth of July and I should write something profound and historical sounding. Instead, I’m going to show you this:

FEAR MY CUTE! FEAR IT!

Then I’m going to tell you random stories:

I sneezed earlier and hurt myself. That, my friends, is talent. Sad thing is, it isn’t the first time. This time I was sitting in the perfect position that the sneeze disturbed my already janky muscles. My breastbone pops sometimes and it is freaking weird. Another time was when I was working at Wal-Mart and bent over behind the counter and sneezed while throwing something away. I hit my head. It was awesome. My customer heard the impact. Even more awesome.

I took medicine. I might have taken too much Zyrtec. Things are a bit fuzzy.

Seriously if you accidentally overlap your Zyrtecs you trip balls. TRIP BALLS. Now, I’m drinking coffee. I think I should feel sorry for anyone who talks to me tonight.

I want a personal assistant almost as much as I want a corgi and an otter. I don’t really know what I would make my personal assistant do except sometimes it would be really useful to have someone who is obligated to listen to me talk about what I’m writing, not in a explaining my work sorta way, but more in an airheaded working out out what I need to write next sort of way. I think best when I talk things out. Maybe if I get an otter or a corgi, I can talk to them. I can’t make a corgi or an otter go and get me tacos though. Can you ask personal assistants get you tacos? Is that a valid thing to ask? Or is that like a “The Devil Wears Prada” thing to ask? I don’t know, I probably shouldn’t ever have a personal assistant then because I would be too afraid to ask them to do stuff for me. Also, I don’t ever  use dry cleaning and I’m pretty sure personal assistants do something with dry cleaners. That’s what they always do in the movies. And schedule stuff. ANd walk behind someone important looking and look harried. I’m not sure I would be good at looking important. I’m mostly good at looking harried.

Yeah, I think I overlapped my Zyrtecs.