Dude, seriously.
First and foremost, Bionic Mom is being an effing rock star with her surgery, and I am so damn proud of her. She hurts. Her leg looks like it got mangled by a wood chipper. By all rights her life is hell. She is the most positive I have seen her. She is working so hard to heal and just be awesome in general. It really is wonderful, except her leg, it’s just kinda gross.
(I just had to stop writing this to call her and tell her this.)
I woke up this morning to find a mouse broke ate the corner off of a vacuum sealed bag of coffee. This wasn’t your normal vacuuming sealing either with a little expansion. This is like NASA level vacuuming sealing, so that corner opened up and the coffee poured out expanding into like two cups. I guess I should be thankful only half of the bag opened and spilled out.
At 7:30 am (which is super fucking early for me, by the way) I was using a little hand vacuum to clean up the mess. (In hindsight, I should have made it into a caffeine freak’s zen garden.) Anyway, that lead to me pulling out everything from that quadrant of the cabinets out so I could scrub everything. I’m pretty sure I was inventing cuss words at that time. My kitchen was a wreck, and Dad burst in with his pack of dogs. I’m swearing with fervor, sweating, and scrubbing. The first words out of his mouth are “Did you make my sandwiches yet?”
Dude, seriously?
The thing about the hospital my mom is in is filled with the nicest, most competent, and friendliest people on Earth. Literally every person you talk to is helpful and nice. At one point, I commented in hushed tones about Kool-Aid being the only answer. Now, I just think it is just wonderful staffing. I got settled in at the hospital and the sandwiches incident fell away.
Then I took a nap while my mom was in physical therapy and broke my glasses when I woke up. I fixed them the best I could with what I had.
This is what happens when you break your glasses in a hospital. Go, go, Gadget medical tape. Also, you can tell I give a grand total of zero fucks about how I look while I’m staying with someone in the hospital
I felt like a damn pirate. I wasn’t a cool pirate, but the socially inept pirate who poked their eye out with an end of a rope.
Later, I ended up crying to Bionic Mom about how much stress I was under. I was crying to the woman who had her frelling knee cut off and metal put in about stress.
I sat in Mom’s room waiting for traffic to ease off, making lists of all the things I still to do when I got home. I got more and more stressed out. I nearly started crying again in the elevator because that is totally sane. I got more and more pitiful while driving home. Finally, I called the Viking on the drive home, using my Blue Tooth, okay, so no judging, and I felt better enough not to cry in the Wal-Mart parking lot.
I went into Wal-Mart at 8:30 pm in a decent shirt, sweat pants, ballet flats, hair in a messy pony tail and glasses with one half of one lens wrapped in medical tape. I was cranky. I was already pissed at our Wal-Mart because of this bullshit. I found and bought an epic pink tool which kept me from yelling at the older, white gentlemen cleaning the floors, “What, since I’m not gay I can buy cookies?”
I got home, fixed my glasses, the Gorilla Glue I coated my fingers with has almost worn off, and finished cleaning my kitchen. I realized while loading my dishwasher the janitor I nearly accosted was probably the same man who did that to those guys. He was just doing his job, trying to earn a living, and a white trash giantess with a medical tape eye patch wanted to yell at him for hating gay people. I don’t think it would have been the best move for the Equality Movement.
Turns out the dude was fired, and that guy tonight was certainly not the asshole.
At some point, I realized I am ridiculous. I should probably stay with a responsible adult. I also realized, a lot of times, I have to be the responsible adult.
That sounds like a terrible idea.
Geeks a Geeking