“Nice Guys”

I had to think a bit about whether or not I wanted to tackle this topic today considering I am less than a month out of the end of a 15 month long relationship so I don’t know how objective I could be on this topic. I realized I am not objective about anything, nor do I have to be, this is my blog not cnn.com.

Let me say, I have no intention of going of the nitty gritty of what happened. Shit happened, I learned a lot, more shit happened, I hurt a lot, I learned a lot more, and now I am trying to move on. I have a feeling the hurting will continue to happen with lessening frequency and intensity and I hope I will keep the learning in my damn thick skull. Either way, this is not about my break-up but on my view of relationships.

Nice Guys Quit Your Bitching!

Okay, so lately on the internet I have seen so many cartoons about “nice guys” whining because the women they have a thing for go for some good looking douche bag.  The female version of this is the guys they like go for date the hot crazy bitches. The tale continues with the love interest getting their heart broken and running back to the “nice guy.” Wash, rinse, repeat.

I know this happens but I don’t think anyone has ever explained to the “nice guy” why this happens. These nice guys are lusting after the hot chicks that only became their friends for free IT support.

• Fact one: 99.9% of hot women know they are hot.
• Fact two: They have learned to use that to their advantage.
• Fact three: You are what they are using to that advantage.

Stop being an idiot. That super hot chick who calls you when she just had a break up so you can take her out to dinner and drinks and cries to you will never sleep with you. She feels like she is doing you a favor by letting you pay for her company and to listen to her sob. She knows you want her and she knows she can use you as an emotional tampon because you hope she will see the light of how awesome you are and fall madly in love. Not going to happen.

Hot chicks go for either guys who are hot, who are rich, or who can provide them with superficial things. So, yes, she might date you if you are a “five” but only if you are wealthy or can provide them with needed connections. If you are poor and you don’t have friends in the movie business, it isn’t going to happen.

Now, if it did happen, your life would be hell. Hot women are pains in the asses. They know they are hot and men will put up with a whole lot of shit just to be with them. They will make you miserable. They will take every penny you have. They will slowly take over any time you had with your friends. They will hate your video games and make you do things they want to do.

Also, if you are pining for a super hot girl, you are probably not looking at the less hot but cooler girl who is right there. Seriously, you have man tits but you are going to turn your nose up at the girl you actually have a shot with because she won’t look good in a bikini. Trust me, you will be happier with another geeky “five” than that super hot girl. She will play video games with you, she will get your “Firefly” quotes, and she will want to go to cons with you.

Here is another fun fact: geeky girls are freaks. I am not saying nerdy girls are slutty. There is a big difference. Geek girls won’t sleep with a lot of guys and will often want a loving monogamous relationship before they will sleep with you. If you get there though, it is like the holy land. Hot chicks look at sex as power or currency. If you can make a nerdy chick feel sexy and secure, sex becomes something fun to be experimented with. If you get a nerdy chick who is adventurous (which is most of them) understand that almost everything you want to try is fair game. You won’t hear no often. Your biggest problem will be finding the Zelda and Link costumes in your area.

So here is my final thought: “nice guys” stop being dumb. You will be much happier if you stop pining for the hot chick and look around you. If you ever had a Pokemon sexual fantasy, trust me, you will be happier.