Yeah (NSFW)

I completely lack inspiration today. I have not a tiny idea on what to write at least 500 words. I feel no desire to try to bullshit through one dazzling you with my wit and awesomeness. I feel honor bound to write a blog tonight since last Saturday I was too sick and gross to write.

I went to Wal-mart this evening. You would be amazed at how many males of varying ages were buying only a bouquet of flowers and a card. I predict fist fights tomorrow morning. Someone will get a black eye over the last bunch of tulips.

I have pg’ed myself so much. I say flipping, frelling, shoot, crap, holy smokes, gorramn, and snikes.  Some days I just want to cuss. I don’t cuss on facebook because there are people I might offend that I actually want to stay friends with. Some days I justwant to say “fuck, cunt, shit, damn, motherfucking hell bitch cock.”  I hate pretending like I am an adult. Once its on the internet it is out there forever. Fuck you, internet, FUCK YOU!

I hope if I ever breed I don’t have ugly kids. If I do ever have ugly kids, I hope one persons hates me enough to tell me so I can not torture people by making them tell me how cute my malformed spawn is.

OMG It's a fucking wasp motherfucker

I don’t know why I posted this. It seemed appropriate.

I bought a box of popcorn today. I forgot how much I love popcorn.

It amazes me that people still turn their noses up at internet dating. They say that the old fashioned way was better. I think people are full of stupid. Do they mean the old fashion way where the girl’s parents sold her off in a business deal? Maybe they prefer you marry a cousin or die alone. Or do they mean the old fashioned way of marrying whom society told you and he beat you and you were okay with it. Or the more modern old fashioned way where you get all tarted up and go to a bar, get drunk, sleep with someone, fall in love even though you really don’t know each other, and get divorced a few years later with a heart filled with bitterness and anger.

I should write ads for e-harmony.

I was at Wal-mart checking out when the little girl with the family behind me slapped my butt.  I looked down at her and she smiled a big angelic smile. When her dad asked her why she spanked me  she just shrugged. I approve.

Acid wash jeans should stay in the eighties. Anyone wearing acid wash jeans should be ticketed the first two times they are caught out in public wearing it. On the third time, they should be sterilized.

Light is spelled L-I-G-H-T. Right is the direction or the affirmative. Rite is something pagans do to have an excuse to get naked and drink. The opposite of day, night, is spelled with a ‘ght.” I agree with Eddie Izzard, it is cheating at Scrabble and makes no sense but that is how it is. 2nite makes the hate and anger bubble up from my soul like an anger and hate champagne. Keep in texts and on twitter you ignorant fucking retard. Oh, and do not breed.

Oddly enough, I feel a bit better. Sometimes I think we all just need to go a little Tourette’s Syndrome on a blog. So I have written almost six hundred fucking words so I am going to fucking publish the shit and go play some fucking video games.