Aug 07

I *Might* Have Lied A Little

I had determined not to write about current events. I’ve made a few feminist mini-rants on my site’s Facebook page, but that is because I’m a dirty feminist. Still, I was going to rant about current events. I can’t do that though. I need to say things.

The shootings in the Sikh temple in Oak Creek, Wisconsin upsets me. I’m not going to rail against a hate culture or try to find blame. The only thing that fights hate and ignorance is love and learning.

Most people have little idea what the Sikh religion is about. Here is a link to a good quick over view. I was raised with a great respect for Sikh culture because of my father. I was raised listening to their music,  and listening to the stories of his times with them and tales of their bravery.  I don’t pretend to be an expert on their religion or be able to make a value judgement on it, but that isn’t my job.

My job is to care that a community is hurting. I don’t know what to do to help, or even if there is something I can do. I want so badly to rail against the ignorance and hate that lead to this. I want to scream about the different elements in society that could have contributed to the events in that temple. Honestly, though, it won’t help. People know why things like this happen. My readers are generally pretty aware folk. Any anger I would show wouldn’t help the situation.

Here is what will help, maybe not the victims of the shooting, but the rest of humanity, click the link and learn.

I have friends on all ends of the spectrum, from those who hate religion and consider it a poison to those who are devote believers in their own faiths. Don’t read that link and relate it to yourself. Don’t judge it because the people believe in an invisible flying spaghetti monster or because it is not your faith.

Truth is, this isn’t about you. The validity or invalidity of the faiths of others has no bearing on you as long as they are not being pushed on to you. Knowledge, though, about the faiths of others will help you understand them and have empathy. It breaks down the “otherness” of groups of people. That is a big scary prospect, but if we don’t start moving towards understanding and empathy, we will blow ourselves up.

This story lets us know how much we are all a like.

The temple’s president, Satwant Singh Kaleka, took on the gunman with a butter knife. He had to know he would never win. He also knew he could give others, including his wife, time to try to find safety. A man gave his life to try and protect the lives of those he cares about. These stories come from every tragedy. One that sticks with me is Liviu Libresu, the professor who barred his classroom door with his body to give his students a chance to escape during the Virgina Tech shootings.

I don’t even know where I am going with this anymore. I feel a little like I am preaching, and I’m sorry for that.

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Aug 04

Sometimes You Get to Be Very Happy

I am ridiculously, stupidly happy.

So many people would gather this time in their hands and shield it from the world, because they fear showing it, and celebrating it, would be tempting something bad to happen.

News Flash: Bad things are going to happen if I revel in this good, or if I keep glancing behind me tainting this good with the fear of the bad.

Hell, there are bad things in my life right now. I can’t fix those. One of them, all I can do is send my heart out and have hope. I don’t gain anything by letting the things I can’t fix puncture the truly wonderful. I wouldn’t be helping anyone by not appreciating and sharing my happy.

If things go bad, or the other shoe drops, I won’t be stronger or wiser or better prepared from hording my joy. When life gets hard again, and I have to move through rough times, this joy will have strengthened me.

It is much scarier as an adult to grasp your happy with both hands than it is to question it. A lot of things that are scary are worth doing anyway, like being vulnerable and accepting yourself or trying to do what you feel is right. Scary is not taking this from me. Neither is ‘what-if’.

When happiness comes to you, try with everything you are to enjoy it. Try to experience it in its purest form with as little doubt as you can. Yes, bad things will happen. The other shoe might fall. Nothing you can do will stop that. Enjoy your moments while you can. They give you your steel.

Sometimes you get to be very very happy. It is a gift. Take it.

ANother for the list of happy.

Sometimes small things spread joy and get you candy.

 

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Aug 02

Not Feeling It

Gurney Halleck told Paul Atreides  “Mood’s a thing for cattle or lovemaking or playing the baliset. It’s not for fighting.”

Yes, I just quoted Dune at you. It is one of my favorite books in the history of ever.

I am worn out.

I am so sick of hate and arguing and chicken.

I realized today nothing I ever say will make someone who uses Jesus, someone whose entire message was about love, to justify hate will ever change. I’ve decided to read the Bible front to back to make sure I didn’t miss something there, but, I don’t think I did. It will take more than logical arguments to change the hearts and minds of someone who lets fear turn them to hate.

My problem isn’t that they are a “Christian” company. Hell, I wish more companies tried to be more Christ-like, loving everyone, feeding the hungry, clothing the poor, and housing the homeless. I think it sounds like a great deal, and I would give them my money. It is that they say they are and then give money to hate groups. So, I stopped giving them mine, like many other damn dirty liberals.

Honestly, though, I don’t give a shit. Eat the chicken sandwich. They make some damn good chicken. I’m boycotting. Some of you aren’t. Can we get over this now, please?

French bulldog with a leaf

In that spirit, here is a picture of a baby french bulldog trying to charm you with a leaf. It totally worked on me.

I think I am going to take an extended break from being wrapped up in society’s pugilistic attitude. I know what I think is right. I know what I think is wrong. I will do what I can to act for one and against another, but I am done jumping and screaming for just a little bit.

I have goodness and happiness in my life. I have creativity and fun. I also have people I love who are hurting and I can’t fix it for them. Right now, all of that seems far more important than chicken, even if it is tasty tasty chicken.

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Jul 31

It Twitches

I’m sticking with something big and important happened yesterday, I just don’t know what it is. It will take some time for me to be proven wrong to my satisfaction. It is the great thing about being an oddly positive person.

My muscles are twitching all over my neck, shoulders, and the base of my skull and sending little juts of pain rocketing through my head.  I don’t think that is normal.  I think it is time to start doing Pilates again.

what?

This is how dachshunds think too.

Most of my brain is very busy on something it has been chewing on for a few days. I’ve written about this before. It is like working on a puzzle without a picture of what it is supposed to look like or even knowing if you have all the pieces. Sometimes, I finally figure it out and am sorely disappointed with what I had been working on. I am going to pretend those were pieces for something later.

Sometimes the pragmatic voice kicks in and tells me I just think too much. I mean, really, what good does pondering society, morality, and all of the crap I wander around think about do? Some people in history have changed the world with their wandering and pondering, but, really, how realistic is it that I will ever contribute like that? Then I realize it doesn’t matter. I think too much. Big fracking deal. So what if I spend too much pondering the push and pull of tradition versus progression on societies and the stress the imbalances cause? Worst thing that happens: I waste my time. I’m not entirely sure that I believe wasting time is as big of a sin as everyone claims it is. Also, I look like a fool, and honestly, I’ve had to adapt to that over the years.

I keep trying to pull together these threads in my mind about tradition versus progress and fear as a survival tool and a hindrance to personal progress. I mean, I see where they go together. Both tradition and fear ensure survival of the species in some instances.  Fear tells us there is danger ahead. It warns us that there will be consequences for our behaviors. Tradition is the path that those before us made it to this point. It worked for those who came before us.

On the other hand, fear, if not examined, can keep us from succeeding or even progressing in our lives. Some fears are good. Holy shit, getting too close to the fire will burn me. If I get caught cheating on my mate they are going to be really pissed and I might be without a mate.  We have to learn to examine our fears to use them like the tools that they are. If we don’t, they begin to control and hinder us. Fears of pain and humiliation are the biggest controllers in some of our lives. We shouldn’t seek pain, but we shouldn’t let the fear of it keep us from living our lives fully.

The fear  and the pain itself should help us choose judiciously. Should I pursue the love with this douche bag who has cheated on everyone he has ever dated and gets violently drunk? That fear that you will get hurt is a GOOD thing. Should I avoid all human contact because humans have hurt me before? Well, examine the qualities of the people who have seriously hurt you before and don’t do those things again. By giving into fear and avoiding pain, we limit what could be wonderful in our lives.

Fear of humiliation is mostly useless. Who gives a shit if you tried to do something you love and it doesn’t work out? Your world isn’t going to end because you made an ass out of yourself at karaoke. If you try to make a go of it as a writer and never sell a thing, at least you tried. Most people are too afraid to even go that far.  Now, humiliation isn’t totally harmless. There are times when you really shouldn’t do things, like get naked at the office party of your dream job for example, but most of the fear of embarrassment and humiliation is every day crap that you care about a lot more than other people do.

geeky boy's wet dream

Interrupting nerd porn interrupts.

All of what I just wrote could be applied directly to tradition versus progress.

We have some traditions that are very good and based on sound biological needs. For example, the banding together of people into communities, physical and now over the internet, serve some very key purposes. I have very strong beliefs that people need connection, but I’m not going to get side tracked by that. I believe the transmission of knowledge from one generation to the next is exceedingly important.Traditions serve a purpose, just like fear, but, also like fear, we have to examine traditions to see if they are helpful or a hindrance.

I don’t believe in breaking tradition for the sake of being new and different, but I also don’t believe in adhering to a system just because it worked in the past. Societies and social groups are like organisms, they have to adapt or die. Hey, three hundred years ago, I would be a business piece to be bought and sold at my father’s discretion. I am extremely thankful some people looked at that tradition, realized it was some bullshit, and fought to change it. I think it is all about thoughtful examination. Thoughtful examination is hard and scary, and people don’t always want to do it. If we don’t do it, though, we won’t survive.

No wonder my neck and shoulders are all twitchy.

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Jul 26

And Other Days, The World is Full of Happy

I wrote Tuesday after some stressful days. I was getting more zen and picking myself back up, but I think it is important to write about days when you cry while vacuuming. It brings days like today in sharp and happy relief.

First bit of happy came when I read this article. It doesn’t make the horror of what happened go away, but it does show us human can be good and do the right thing when things are dire. Life sucks sometimes. Some times it is down right torturous. I have to believe things like this article help us get through it.

The biggest bit of happy came when I met The Viking’s Tina. I keep telling myself that I won’t discuss our relationship here often. Sometimes I lie to me but totally on accident. His Tina is good good people. I enjoyed his sort of awkward out there humor. Also, I didn’t think it was possible, but I am even more in love with The Viking. I am stupid, big-eyed, crazy in love with him. He is a good, kind, smart, funny man. I’m pretty lucky.

My Tina entered a photography contest with a big photographers site. I’m so proud of her. Putting yourself out there for judgement and rejection is hard, but she did it. She has something I can’t identify that makes her photography outstanding. I’m pretty sure I would think so even if she weren’t my best friend. I do think I need some more pictures though.

Then I found this:

It is people risking themselves to save some bear cubs. How can that not make for the happy?

Oh, and I got a great hair cut that managed to even make my terrible dye job look cool.

Today is a good good day.

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Jul 24

Throttling People is Illegal

So, you know how I repeatedly say happiness is a choice? It is. Sometimes it is a struggle. The past two days have SUCKED. I am neither willing or able to go into why. I am just summing it up with douche bags be douching. Except the Viking, he is coming out of this like a gorramn rock star. (Also, I dyed my hair. Mistakes where made, and while I normally hate to point fingers: I blame velociraptors and Scientology.)

This is an awesome bit of happy for the list.

Yesterday, early in the day, I was so happy I could barely contain my happy. As the evening progressed, the douches douched. I tried to stay happy. This morning there was more waves of asshattery. I gave up and cried while I vacuumed my floor. Crying while vacuuming the floor feels really pathetic, but I admit I did it.

Then I took a deep breath and tried to fix what I could. Life is not fair. People with fuck with your happy, most of the time without malice, and make it a struggle.  You deal with what you can. Sometimes you can’t just he-man your way through it. Sometimes you gotta cry while you vacuum.

I can’t make people be nice or fair or not assholes. Sometimes I can’t let them not get to me. Anyone who says that they never let people get to them are liars or heavily medicated, or both. There are times I consider picking up wine drinking as a hobby. I’m human, this is what we do. I’m going to go ahead and say it is okay that I cried while chasing the dust bunnies. I decided to try again. I think that’s what counts.

Story time at Starbucks

This man deserves a cookie or something. It is flipping adorable.

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Jul 21

Random Act of Humanity

So, as said last blog, I’m going to make an effort to post things that make me crazy happy and fill me with hope for humans. This isn’t my real Saturday post, just an addition to the List of Happy.

When I was a tiny thing I escaped while my mom was distracted and started to cross the street. (Mommy sharks, reserve your judgement. This was over 20 years ago, and it is something that could have happened to anyone. Try being empathetic instead of judgmental.) Some young guy had stopped traffic to get me to safety. These things matter.

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Jul 19

In Times Like These

We live in trying and querulous times. Everyone is uneasy because of something. The economy sucks. We are in an election year. People are fighting for progress, people are fighting for the status quo, and people are fighting to return to some idealized past. This is the time when people yell angrily and passionately, trying to be heard. These are times of major strife that can rip people, institutions, and nations apart.

I’m not saying these fights are wrong. I might not agree with them, but I agree with people’s rights to try to change their worlds as long as they use the right methods. I wish people would take more deep breaths (myself included) and think through before they yell.

I wish more people, myself included, were like this goat:

Be the goat

I’ve noticed I get very very angry about the things I care about. I write long rants here about feminism, gay rights, mommy sharks, douche bags… You name it. I’m not going to stop, because I believe in holding up my end of the contract laid before my by the Constitution and attempt to be an active participant in my country. I have decided, though, to take deep breaths when I get all angry and want to rant. I’ve also decided to try and spread the happy along with ranty.

I get so filled up with all that is wrong with the world, I have a hard time focusing on the good. I am a happy person, though, who has a tendency to be freakishly optimistic in a jacked up sort of way. (One of my favorite attitude adjusters for myself is to think: None of us are making it out of life alive, might as well shut up, be nice, and try to be as happy as we can while we are here.) I’m going to make an effort to post as much of the happy I can find on the internet on this site. Silly, goofy, funny things that make me happy belong on a site that is about me.

And with that here is a link to a Buzzfeed list that makes me cry and my heart fill every time.

If you guys have anything that you think belong on this list e-mail me, link in a comment, or share on the site’s Facebook page. We should all have a list of happy together.

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Jul 17

There’s a Baby in There

horde of penguins

The only time I’ve ever seen penguins look menacing, and they look goddamn terrifying.

<—The little girl about to be beat down by penguins has nothing to do with anything other than I thought it was awesome. I mean it is pretty fracking awesome. You can tell in about ten seconds she is going to realize she will need therapy for life.

Anyway, in non-penguin related news, Renee had her baby today. My goddaughter Hope is finally here. She is as wonderful as I thought she would be.

Pregnancy and babies are a strange sort of magic for me. My friends make fun of me when I’m around pregnant women because I will randomly stop what I’m doing, point to the preggo belly, and announce “There’s a baby in there.” I remember the first time I felt Tina’s daughter move in her belly. She was the first baby I ever felt and it started my deep fascination with the process of growing a human.

You guys grew a human.

You GREW another person.

It’s magic. Okay, I know it is biology, but it is still magic. Then after you grow your tiny human, you produce food for the human. I don’t understand how anyone can just blithely accept that without any wonder.

I’m so excited for Renee and her husband. Renee is going to be this beautiful, loving, wonderful wreck. Her daughter is going to be this beautiful, smart, imaginative wreck right beside her. When I say wreck, I mean, they will love fiercely, think deeply, feel passionately, and be whirlwinds in their own worlds. The world needs wrecks. The world needs Renee and Hope. I’m so excited and blessed to see them grow together.

I have many wishes for Hope. My greatest one is that she always filled with her name.

 

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Jul 14

Behave Badly

Required monthly corgi

I believe in being nice. I do. I believe in examining my emotions and handling them the in the most productive way possible. I don’t believe in using my emotions as a weapon. I believe believe believe these things.

Mother fuckers, sometime I just want to throw a fit.

I know it isn’t productive. I know I should use my words. I want to use my words. I just want to use them loudly and interspersed with a shit-fuck-ton of swear words. I also want to punctuate them with  hurled objects.

Sometimes I want to behave badly.

Everyone in awhile I want to call someone an ignorant douche bag for refusal to believe science. Okay, a lot of times I want to call people ignorant douche bags for refusing to believe science. Really, you don’t believe dinosaurs existed? What the fuck do you call those bones. Do you seriously stick your fingers in your ears and say “I’m not listening”? I don’t though. I try so hard to be respectful. I want to believe in civilized discourse and to be zen enough to understand that anyone that willfully ignorant won’t be swayed by anything I said, so I shouldn’t add to the ugliness of the world. I’m trying to be a good people here.

Sometimes I want to say all the mad things in my brain. Every once in awhile I want to tell people they can shove their backhanded comments up their asses. I want to yell at those old ladies who spend ten minutes to pick out old fashioned oatmeal while managing to take up the entire aisle. I want to point out that when someone comments comments about how fat or ugly a woman is when discussing their work, that person is being a misogynistic pig, even if the commenter is a woman. That is unacceptable. Change it. NOW.

Sometimes I don’t want to lay out my point logically. Sometimes I just want to scream. I want to say all of the far flung crazy shit my pissed off brain comes up with. I want to stomp my foot, throw myself on the ground, and bite people. I want to fling a finger out and point out that other people get to be princesses, why can’t I?

I believe in being good and in being kind. I believe in being mature. I don’t think they are bullshit social constraints placed on us by society to control us like some intellectuals do. I believe that higher order emotions and emotional understanding is a natural state for humans. That doesn’t mean I always have to like it.

NEVER HIDE A PMSING WOMAN’S COOKIES

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