What We Think Other People Want

They had a hell of a hang over yesterday. PARTY HARD FOR LIFE

Here is the it of it: most of us care about what people think of us. We try to be what we think those who we care about want us to be. Even people who have accepted their social awkwardness, like me, still care about what those we love think of us even if we have long given up on fitting in.

This is particularly true if for writers and artists. (I have a hard time calling what I do art. It sounds so pretentious. I’ve written maybe three things that neared art. Ugh, I might as well call myself a word smythe.) We put our work out there, hoping for some reaction, and watched tensely as we see what happens.

Some people will try to tell you that a true artist doesn’t care what the world thinks of their art. This is straight up bullshit. Writers and artists are trying to communicate something, evoke something, to the world. We work with a purpose. If people don’t feel something, aren’t entertained, or react in someway to a work, then the artist failed. The trick is deciding what your purpose is and gauging the reaction of your audience.

The balancing act writers and artists face is making sure they connect with their audience and losing their footing and failing completely into what they think people will like. In that way, it is a lot like high school.

I keep making about writing, but this true about everything in life. I’ve spent my life tailoring parts of my personality to fit the situation I’m in. We have to do this. I couldn’t go into work and swear at the top of my lungs. I’m not going to get around conservatives and discuss my massive feminist leanings, and I will avoid talking politics at all costs.

But, here is the problem with that, we can drown in making ourselves acceptable. We can’t tailor ourselves for those we love. We have to be kind and appreciative. We should be loving and accepting. We can’t try to change our core selves for those we love. We can’t change who we are.

I have this problem with blogging, too. I will notice certain things I write do better than other things, and I will change how I write to try and produce more of those things.  After a while I lose some of my voice. Or, I will not write about something I think or feel because I feel like I have written about it too much, or no one will find it interesting. In the end, I stop finding myself interesting.

It turns out being yourself is an ongoing, never ending process.

So, I’m not going to worry about writing about writing , happiness, genuineness, or being a nutjob too much. This is what I am, and you guys have proven over and over again that I can trust you with who I really am.