I am having one of those days. You know, the kind that everything you do is way more complicated than it should be. Things that normal take four steps take six and fifteen more minutes than they need to. I am having THAT day.

The lower shelf to my fridge broke while in the bathtub while I was cleaning it out. It broke into elventy billion pieces that managed to wedge themselves into my bathmat. I still do not know why I didn’t take out the bath mat in first place. Anyway, I had to throw away my new bath mat. Well, I needed a few other things like milk and barbecue sauce and I knew I needed to write a blog today too so I decided to go to wal-mart to ensure blogging material. Well, I got some, material, I mean.

I learned an important life lesson today. If you are having one of THOSE days, avoid wal-mart for all you are worth. Seriously, you should do whatever it takes to not go to wal-mart. I feel doubly foolish now realizing that my main reason for going was that I was bath mattless. No one needs an emergency bath mat. Anyway, let me explain my trip to wal-mart.

It started on the way there. Someone was crossing one of our main roads holding a gas can and smoking until he stopped in the middle of the road to answer a text. No freaking joke. I wondered where the hell Darwinism was with that one. I know Darwinism forgot the parking lot.

I go into the parking lot and start off one of the big two way rows like any sane person does and some jets out in front of me because they are driving their car through the empty spots instead of where you are actually supposed to drive. I called them a moron and went a long my way. When I went to  turn down another row someone was blocking the way because they went the wrong way. I drove on and went around trying to get to a row that started the other direction but a new moron had done the exact same thing.  I really wanted to stop my car and ask them how they did not notice they were going the wrong way. If you some how miss the direction that the cars are pointing or the common sense fact that parking lots have a tendency to be laid out in similar ways, there are FREAKING ARROWS to point you in the right direction. BIG FREAKING YELLOW ARROWS. I was hungry, I was annoyed, I needed a damn bath mat and I knew I still I had a blog to write when I got home before I could log on and see the fall out of something going on in my guild.

I get inside and things went much smoother. I nearly ran over a lady who stopped with out warning in the middle of a main aisle to talk to someone coming the opposite direction. She gave me a dirty look when she realized that there was nearly a shopping cart accident. I did not yell at her or strike her. I was kind of proud. The rest of my shopping went much smoother until the check out line.

Me: I have a 24 pack of diet coke here, need me to put it on the belt?

Cashier: No, No I can ring it up here.

Me: Okay

Me: (About halfway through the groceries) Did you get the diet coke?

Cashier: Not yet but I will at the end

(She finishes ringing me up and I swipe my card)

Cashier: SHOOT I forgot to get your diet coke and it is too late to stop the transaction.

Me: I have cash.

Not a big deal in the long run and it is something I have totally done. But on a day where you have to go to wal-mart because you broke a shelf from your fridge while you were cleaning it in your bath tub and the shards embedded themselves into your bathmat, It certainly annoying.

First of all, get the immature giggle out for the dirty innuendo.

Some people would say the hardest part of any wal-mart trip would be paying at the end. I thoroughly disagree. While I hate the check-out and I normally spend way more than I intend I still think the worst part of any trip is the part before you leave and you have to make yourself go.

The reason this blog post is so late is because I had intended to go to the wal-mart after I got all of my other stuff done today. I was going to go and have some fresh new tale of redneck America. I went into my kitchen and looked around to see if there was anything I needed to add to my list. I found my dirty hippie reusable bags. I put on my shoes. I decided there was nothing that I couldn’t live without until tomorrow.

Sometimes that few minutes before you leave really isn’t so bad. Sometimes I have things I need and I am in a productive mood so I go go go and get it done. I can occasionally find the motivation to go without much procrastination because I think of all the things I want to do but I have to go there first. Some days are just like today. It is late and I am tired. I had a semi-busy day. I especially do not want to deal with the Rush Springs crowd on a Saturday evening.

It is like starting a walk or writing a paper. The feeling of the blinking text line thingy ( I know there is a technical name but it is not in my brain right now) is so daunting that I often alt-tab to check my facebook atleast four more times. I know that once I just start writing things will not be nearly as difficult as I think but it is actually making the words start that is so difficult. Same way for a wal-mart trip.

I have my list folded up in my back pocket and I am staring at my blue bags. The logical part of my brain knows that if I just dig the keys out of purse and go it won’t be that bad. I will be home and I will have one less thing on my mind. Most of the time I whine to myself for a second and then do it.  I know when I am on the road that I have the hardest part over with it. Then there are nights like tonight.

Tonight my list was: pepper, antihistamines, milk, and coffee. That is all. It would have been a short trip. I could have went through the express lane, which, by the way, I am convinced are not actually much faster a lot of the time. If you are standing behind seven people who all have to pay and the cashier is moving so slow that she is almost moving backwards and quacking, then it is not much faster than one person with forty items. It was a short list. I could have grabbed everything in like ten minutes. It was a short list and we had enough of everything to last until after breakfast tomorrow. The only thing I am out of is pepper and I don’t often have pepper emergencies.

There was the question of wtf was I going to write about if I didn’t actually go to wal-mart today. I decided to write about not going to wal-mart. I managed about 600 words too. That, my friends, is skill.

So one of my more normal jobs was as a cashier at the wal-mart back before it became a super wal-mart. (I just noticed how many of my blogs start with “So blah blag blah.” I am pretty sure that is how I start a lot of conversations. *le shrug*) I think of it as one of my more enjoyable jobs. It was better by far than working at Braum’s. One day I will write about working at the Braum’s /shudder.  Basically I got paid to stand in air conditioning and talk to people all day but only for short periods of time, so if they annoyed me I was rid of them quickly.

Back in those days most of your training was computer based. You spent the first several days sitting in front of some ancient computer watching videos and taking tests. If there is anything I am good at, it is staring at a computer and taking tests about what I learned a few minutes later.  After about three days of that, they have you spending half of your day in front of the computer then the other half with a cashier upfront shadowing them. Then they turn you loose with a training cashier all day until you are ready for a cash register all by yourself. It is a big important day.

The fascination thing about those first few days without another cashier standing there is that the strangest stuff goes wrong. When you have another person there things go fairly smoothly but whenever you are on your own weird stuff goes wrong. Its really embarrassing to try and explain to a customer that you are new and that  you have no idea how to open the cash drawer, that you are aware that your handy vest got stuck in said drawer, and you have no clue why all the displays are blinking and smoking. Well I am exaggerating about the blinking and smoking part but, a fun fact, when cashiers did have to wear, the could in fact get caught in the cash drawer and it would get everything stuck. That was a great day for awkwardness.

Anyway during training they would teach you count change back from the penny and to always ask if the customer found everything okay. Getting the hang of counting change back from the penny takes a bit for the number impaired like me but it was pretty easy. The secret is all in how you hold the coins. (I am full of pearls of wisdom today.) The question about finding everything okay was the interesting thing.

The computer told me that I was to ask that of all of my customers because Sam Walton felt that it would make the customers feel like we cared about their shopping experience. Random side note: the computer talked about the founding father Sam Walton like others talk about religious founders, it was a bit creepy.  Most of the time people just mumble something but sometimes people would actually respond. If a customer would tell me they had problems finding something, I would tell them where it was if I knew or I would find someone who did know.  People seemed genuinely surprised when I would help them like that.

*Insert witty and less abrupt closing here*

So I went to the super wal-mart today. I was really happy to see all of the Valentine’s Day stuff moved to less prominent positions. It is combined with a happy lack of stupid Valentine’s Day commercials. Yesterday I learned a hard adult truth.

When you are young and when you are single you think Valentine’s Day will be less lame when you “the one.” Last year’s Valentine’s Day was actually quite wonderful so I thought maybe I was right. This year I looked up and realized how truly naive I was. Boys and girls, Valentine’s Day even in a couple is still pretty lame. It was like the year I realized Christmas as a childless adult was just either another day to stare at your electronic of choice or a whole lot of work that no one notices.  Bah, next thing you know someone will tell me I can’t be an astronaut.

Anyway, the Valentine’s Day stuff was all taken down except for the stuff on clearance. I saw a woman with a baby on her hip at one of the price scanners checking the prices of some of the clearance chocolates. Later I saw her pushing her basket surrounded by three children under the age of 6. I understood then.

I also saw a woman who was probably in her fifties in grey tights, a long tweety bird shirt (not long enough to cover her saggy butt, mind you), and knee high boots. It wasn’t the worst outfit I have seen in wal-mart by any means. I just believe she was led astray by this whole tights as pants thing that is sweeping the nation. I don’t like the look on twenty year old’s that weigh approximately 83  pounds, I really don’t like it on older ladies. Its like tube tops. There are about four people in the world who can do it well and I guarantee none of them shop at Chickasha super center. The thing that particularly entertained me is that she looked at my cleavage and made a face.  Those tights and boots are okay but a little bit of boob top is not. How will I ever live with the scorn?

Really, how long does it take to pick out rice?

I got behind a family at the checkout that had four kids with her ranging from 16ish to 2ish. She paid no attention to the little ones and let the eldest boy watch them. One of the little ones kept trying to grab some candy and the boy kept telling him no. Finally the little one screamed and the mom gave in and bought it, except she had left her cash in the care and sent her teenage daughter out to get it. I don’t mind waiting for stuff like that since I have done it before, I was just kind of surprised that the boy was being more responsible than the mom. He kept picking up the two year old girl and bouncing her to calm her and took his little brother to the bathroom.  Maybe I am just weird for noticing it.

In fact, I’m pretty sure I am just weird.

So I took on wal-mart as a theme because it was a suggestion from Tina.  I have been struggling with what to write today all morning and I came to the conclusion that Tina must secretly hate me. She also gave me the November Thanksgiving theme. After a few paranoid moments contemplating my best friend’s sneaky treachery, I realized that the reason she wanted me to write about my adventures in wal-mart is that I have some pretty funny wal-mart stories.

Like I have said before, my wal-mart has a few factors that make it have particularly interesting clientele. There are very few places to shop around here. There are three other grocery stores in town. One is a dirty, badly organized, expensive Homeland that has terrible selection. There is an old school grocery called Dunn’s that still uses old school price stickers and is full of fussy old people and a bad fruit selection. The third is actually awesome.

It’s a Save-a-lot so it is all off brand stuff. The merchandise is still in its shipping boxes and there is one brand of anything you would want. I walked in there the day before Christmas Eve and I was immediately in love.  It reminded me of a scene from a movie, I think it was Raising Arizona, where the couple was shopping and everything was in generic yellow labels. Someday I am going to set a book in that place. I need to go back soon. Anyway, not really the place to do a lot of shopping at.

So with these limited choices EVERYONE in town shops at our wal-mart. It leads to the best amalgamation of shoppers ever.  I have a lot of great stories, I know I do. I just can only remember one right now and I will tell it with my normal awkward style.

One of my favorite movies is Napoleon Dynamite. It didn’t have plot or character development really which normally I like in my non-cheesy action movies but it was a genius string of  random hilarious things. The first time you watch it you spend most of your time watching it with your head cocked to the side like a black labrador puppy thinking “whaaa?” but after you finish watching the movie and start quoting it, you realize just how truly brilliant it is.

Anyway, in the movie the main character’s brother is a skinny, short nerdy white boy who meets a woman on the internet. No one actually believes that he actually has an online girlfriend until she shows up. She steps off the bus and she is a stunning black woman. At the end of the movie, the pair leave and he is in a basketball jersey, a head rag, and a sagging pants. It is a great sight gag.

Well, one day I saw them at wal-mart by the yogurt.

The woman is straight up gorgeous. She is perfectly dressed like a professional woman about to go out for the evening. Her hair is styled immaculately and her make up skills made me jealous. In the cart in front of her was this perfect little girl in a sweet dress and pig tails. Standing beside her was the skinniest, dorkiest, white boy I have ever seen (that is saying something since I hang out with gamers). He is in a blue and white basketball jersey with a thick gold chain around his neck and is wearing a blue baseball cap turned to the side and basketball shorts that hang down below his knees accentuating his stunning lack of a butt.

I generally try not to stand in the middle of an aisle and gawk but I am pretty sure I stopped for a few seconds to stare at this pair. It isn’t often you see a joke from a movie standing in front of you. I wanted to walk by them and say “Napoleon, you are just jealous because I spend all day talking to hot chicks on the internet.” I had to immediately go to the toilet paper aisle (since it is the abandoned aisle in the grocery section) and text Tina.

That is today’s story. I promise before Tuesday I will either go to wal-mart and come back with something new or remember some of my other stories.

So in continuation with Tuesday’s blog I have decided to rant more about people who annoy me at the super wal-mart.

First lets start with behavior in the aisle:

1. The people who take ten minutes to pick something that shouldn’t be that difficult to pick out. There are some things I understand taking a bit to pick out. Fruits, for example, should be examined carefully so I can understand taking a few minutes pick out the apples you want. Oatmeal is not one of those things. I am not talking about instant flavored oatmeal, I mean plain old fashion oatmeal. You have a limited number of choices: name brand or generic, the little container or the big container, and the bashed up box or the non-bashed up box. Those are your choices. I watched a woman literally take six minutes to pick out her oatmeal. I was annoyed.
2. The irresponsible parent is another group that I want to shake. Hey, dumbass, your kid is rocketing around nearly running into everything and touching everything and throwing shit around. I know it is impossible and probably ill advised to put a chain to your kid to your waist and scream at them whenever the look any other direction then straight ahead. I know that is asking far too much but I don’t think it is too much to make sure your child is in your general vicinity and keep them from touching and destroying everything.
3. People who block up entire aisle to have a conversation. One person will be going one way and the other will be coming from the opposite direction and they will decide to stop in a main aisle to have a conversation about their grandkids and their spouses gastrointestinal problems. Seriously. If you feel the need to talk to your friend in wal-mart, I am not opposed to this, please place your carts in a way that keeps atleast one side of the aisle open or join the cellphone talkers in the lawn and garden department. OR, if you really want to talk to your friend, take them to lunch at whatever fast food establishment. I know, crazy talk.
4. The other people who are just oblivious in general. I get that wal-mart shopping isn’t entertaining and we all wander off in our minds a bit but I try to stay in reality enough to notice the people around me. Some people out there float around like they are they either high or turning into zombies. This is a safety hazard because they often combine with the kids of irresponsible parents and badness happens.

Okay now for the check out behavior that drives me nuts:

1. The people who are too busy talking/arguing with each other to unload their basket and pay for their crap like normal people. Please, you are almost out of the store, please stop and focus. I can multitask well enough to have a conversation and take care of the stuff I need to get the frel out of there. If you can’t please, stop and focus.
2. The person that pays with all change. I have been really broke. I have paid for stuff with quarters and I understand that. It is the folks who are obviously well off who use fifty pennies instead of two quarters. I understand pennies are heavy but please go exchange them for normal less annoying coins.
3. The frugal to insanity people makes me want to shake them. Times are tough and the super wal-mart does not need anymore of our money than necessary but arguing over a two cent price difference is INSANE.  I had a woman hold up a line for like seven minutes over a five cent over price. I think the customer service manager should have just allowed the price over ride but I still wish that woman would have sucked it up and paid the five extra cents.

Ranting done. House to clean.

Let me start out by saying that I am feeling completely uninspired today but that might change as I start in on my blog. I am blaming my cold and the promise of more snow.

Today is a rant day. Well, I think all of February will be rant month. Wal-mart makes me want to rant. I am not one of those “ban wal-mart because it is an evil soul sucking world destroying monster” or “wal-mart kills all the fluffy puppies, fuzzy kitties, beautiful flitting buterflies” people. I know it has various ill effects on our economy and it is a large soulless corporation but honestly I don’t care. It is convenient (kinda), cheap (kinda), and well stocked (kinda) so I feed the machine and do most of my shopping there. I feel no guilt. I live in Chickasha, Oklahoma so my options are limited. I go to the evil wal-mart or I shop at one of the crappy other groceries that are more expensive and have less variety.  I might be more willing to be more like a dirty hippie with my shopping if I lived in a major city. I just cannot see spending more gas to go to a major city for a whole foods or whatever it is that the tree huggers say I should shop. I am just a terrible person and I am okay with that.

Anyway, I have many many wal-mart pet peeves and one day is probably not enough but I will attempt to list a few and maybe promise more later.

1. Twats on cellphones: I am not saying no one should talk on cellphones in the super wal-mart, I just think they should be more aware of their surroundings if they do. I keep all wal-mart phone conversations short and try to notice people around me. I try not to be one of the two types of twats on cellphones.

The first type is the person who is obliviously wandering around moving really slowly taking twice as long to make decisions about purchases and runs into things because they are completely incapable of multitasking. I want to shake these people. If you cannot function at a minimal level (read: that of an amoeba) please go park yourself at some little used part of the store (read: lamps or lawn and garden) and stay there until you are done. I know that this means you won’t be getting your shopping done at the same time and it might make your wal-mart trip take longer but it will also reduce your chances of harming yourself or others.

The second type of twats on cellphones are the the people who share information like they aren’t in public. I think people answer their phones and forget that they are actually still in a public place and should have conversations accordingly. Anyone who knows me knows that I will talk about just about anything just about anywhere but there are something even I don’t see as appropriate. Also, since the twat is on a phone they speak louder than they would if they were talking to the person beside them. This means you get a woman talking about her last pap smear in public in a loud voice. I might tell a friend a private detail (probably not about my pap smear) in wal-mart but I would say it in a quieter tone.

Okay, brain tapped out… maybe more later.

Let me start out by saying that this morning I had a dream about the wal-mart.  I have wal-mart dreams a lot but it seemed funny that it happened on a day I was not only going to wal-mart but also writing about it.

In my dream I was in the cosmetics aisle and I noticed a woman with beautiful brown eyes and I commented on them and we got to talking. I realized that I was talking to Penelope Cruz.  She seemed to miss my few seconds of  “wtf is Penelope Cruz doing in wal-mart in Chickasha, OK” and kept on talking about her relationship stuff. Well, Penelope kept following me around through out the store and when we checked out she asked me if I would show her the library where I used to work. By this time I was pretty weirded out that Penelope-freaking-Cruz was kind of stalking me but I agreed. When I pulled out and started to make my way to the library I realized she was driving a Honda civic and pulling a horse trailer. Even in my dream I was confused as to why Penelope-freaking-Cruz was driving a Honda civic and how the hell was she pulling a horse trailer with it. I was also a bit impressed. When we got to the library things started to get weird.

So back to the realish world, we had a blizzard in Oklahoma on Tuesday. Most people in Oklahoma have no freaking clue how to drive on really bad ice roads. Only a few of us are willing to admit this failing and stay off the damned roads. Anyway, today was the first day since then that the roads seemed safe to be out in, so, of course, my dad and I went to the super wal-mart. We needed food and I needed some alka-seltzer for this damned flu. So we get to the parking lot and the place was freaking packed.

Keep in mind that the super wal-mart in Chickasha attracts people from all the surrounding tiny ass towns and those people who live “out in the county”  so it has a decent sized customer base. A large proportion of the customers at any point in time are pretty red neck and are easily dazzled by modern society and sparkly things.  My family refers to these people as “Rush Springs people” because there is a tiny town about twenty minutes from our town called Rush Springs. Rush Springs is filled with some pretty red neck in-bred folk. I used to help with a girl scout troop there and I saw first hand the effects of cousin marriage. Anyway, anytime we go to the super wal-mart and it is filled with hicks we call it “Rush Springs Day.” Today was “Rush Springs Day” on ice.

The red necks were out in force all bundled up and in my way. I don’t like being in wal-mart. I don’t feel that a trip to wal-mart is ever exciting. I want to get my stuff and get the heck out. This is double when I am sick and hurting a bit from falling on the ice (that story in a minute) and cold. So, lets just say I had very little patience for the woman blocking up one half of the aisle staring at the rice and texting while her dirty, snotty-faced child takes up the other half by staring into space. I wanted to tell her kid to get out of my way but I know that she would have said something rude and I am trying to save money to go to Florida so I can’t afford bail. Somehow I got everything we needed and we got out of there.

My dad had seen me fall earlier (it was pretty glorious, more on that later) so he had dropped me off in front of the store so I didn’t have to try and walk on the ice in the parking lot.  After we shopped he loaded the groceries into the truck by himself so I could spend little time on the ice. After he had gotten into the truck, we both noticed a girl in her early twenties trying to push and drag her cart to her car through the nasty mix of ice and slush. Dad got out and helped her get her stuff to her cart.  He is a pretty good man.

So the fall. I was walking out to the truck and I thought I was doing the careful duck ice walk I do but I wasn’t being careful enough. My left foot slid out from under me and I fell to my hip. What was awesome about it is that I kept sliding. I traveled about a foot on my hip. I am a little sore but no serious damage done. I am just not meant for winter ice.

So even funnier story about the fall:

We were at the check out and my boyfriend called me. This is how part of the conversation went:

Me: I have already fallen on the ice

BF: Oh no! Are you okay?

Me: Yeah, I just fell no big deal.

BF: Are you sure you are okay?

Me: Yeah, I am just being whiny.

BF: I’m sorry you fell

Me: it really isn’t that big of a deal I am just being whiny

BF is quiet for two beats then start laughing

BF: HAHAHA You fell on the ice!

Me: You jerk.

Its moments like those that help me see that I can be happy with him for the rest of my life. I can totally love a man that genuinely cares that I am okay then laughs at me for falling. Its what I would do.

I have many childhood memories from the wal-mart. Most of them centered around my mom taking forever in Wal-mart and walking beside the cart imagining escape scenarios in my head. I also remember stopping strangers to talk to them. I still do both of these when I go to wal-mart as a grown up. When I would get so bored I would start to get angry I would hide in the clothes racks because I thought it would scare Mom.  Mostly it just pissed her off.  I remember on the car rides to the store sitting in the back seat because I was the youngest and that is where the youngest sat when they were little. She would quiz us on what to do if we got lost. I repeated to her time and time again that we  find someone who works there to page my mom and stay where I was.  I also remember getting separated from my mom and my sister and being scared but knowing exactly what to do. My mom is a pretty smart lady.

When I got older I got to wander around the store by myself. It seemed like such a big deal. Mostly I would walk in circles until I got bored enough to try and find my mom again.  I soon came to the realization that she had wal-mart camouflage and could melt into her surroundings until she was ready to be found. I still picture her sensing us nearing her so she would press herself to the shelves of detergent, her clothes and skin morphing to the colors of the Tide bottles.  But, as if by magic, when it was time to go she could always find us with no problems.  I have figured out some of her mommy tricks, but this is one I never figured out.

Sometimes Dad would go with us to the wal-mart. He would walk around beside the cart (never pushing it if my mom’s purse was in it) until he got what he needed then he would float away and sometimes he would just grab his own cart knowing that mom would find him when she needed him to pay.  When I got older I realized that he would always end up at the snack bar. When I got even smarter I realized that most of the time if I could get him to buy me an icee and a big pretzel. He and I spent quite a bit of time in the wal-mart snack bar with him telling me stories while I twisted in the chairs.  Eventually my mom and sister would find us to let us know it was time to go. I still get strange warm feelings when I think about it.

When my granny lived in Arkansas she would take us to wal-mart too. She would give us five dollars to spend. It was so exciting to go to the toy aisle and try to figure out what I could spend with my five dollar bill.  I always bought some piece of junk that I would always break or forget about withing the few days we spent there but it was so cool just being able to pick out my own stuff.

I think it is pretty funny that a store has so many of my childhood memories attached to it.

Welcome cats and kittens to month four of my thematic blog. When I first decided to start this craziness I had someone ask me if I would actually keep up with this project since I had had many great ideas before that never came to fruition. In all fairness, she was correct, I have great ideas all the time I never stick with but, at the end of this month, I will mark a quarter of a year doing this. It is impressive for me.

So back to point, February’s theme is the super wal-mart. I know that technically wal-mart is a proper noun and therefore should be capitalized but this is my blog and I do what I want. Anyway, wal-mart has been a big part of my life since I was a small girl in Louisiana. I think wal-mart is an important part of any Southerner’s life and every single southern woman shops at the wal-mart.  It is one of the great equalizers. It is also one of my most fertile grounds for writing. Every single time I go to the super wal-mart I see something or think of something that I should write about. I don’t know if the wal-marts I go to are that entertaining or if I am just that inspired by the insanity.

My earliest blogs where very wal-mart influenced and for awhile there I was pretty sure all I had to write about was stuff that happened at the wal-mart. I decided that if I ever wrote a book about my early blogging experiences I would title it “So I was at the Super Wal-mart Today.” I also send Tina a text from wal-mart almost every single time I go. I think this is why she requested wal-mart as a theme.

I think any non-Southerners will be befuddled at first by my blogs this month since the north has yet to be fully invaded by the wal-mart. I urge you to read this like a cultural artifact. Life really is different down here and our love-hate relationship with Sam Walton’s brain child gone wrong is as deeply ingrained as white gravy and pick-up trucks.  If you are a rural family, Sunday meant Jesus, ice cream, and wal-mart and those not so rural families normally have a reason to go many times a week.  It is part of who we are.

I have two conditions that have to be met before I will move anywhere: 1, is it within two hours of the nearest major airport and 2, is it within a ten minute drive of the nearest wal-mart.  If you have to drive more than 10 minutes to get to wal-mart then you live too damn far away from civilization. I also remember when I was a little girl waiting for my dad to get out of the bathroom and looking at a map of all of the locations of wal-marts and noticing that there were entire states without one. I couldn’t imagine a world without wal-mart.  This month I pay tribute to that institution that has been with me my entire life.